MY PERSONAL DIARY OF 1997

1 January (Wednesday)

Happy Welcome to New Year 1997! On this occasion of the arrival of English New Year, I pray my Lord Gopal to direct me well all through this year. I pray Mother Saraswati to give me a sharp brain with powerful memory and active thoughts, which can do well in examinations. I pray Lord Ganapathi to bless me. My prayers to all my gurus. May all gods and goddesses bless me. Went to bed by 9:00.

2 January (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning we did jogging for half an hour. Then we did watering work in the rose garden. Had breakfast of purees. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Had lunch by 1:15. Did gardening work from 3:00 to 5:00. Bathed by 6:00 and had my supper by 8:30. Here (in the city of Bangalore) it is cold at night due to winter. My prayers to Lord Gopal. May happy January go on. Went to sleep by 9:30.

3 January (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning we did jogging for some two kilometers. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Did sweeping work in the rose garden from 10:00 to 12:30. Did the work of watering plants in the rose garden from 2:30 to 5:30. Had my supper by 8:00. Today it was cloudy. My salutes to Lord Gopal. Went to bed by 9:00.

4 January (Saturday)

Woke up by 4:00. Got ready soon and went to Training Battalion III. Today there is a Direct Physical Enrollment test. In the event of running, I came Good. I did eight pull-ups. My weight is 55 kilograms. My height is 168 centimeters. The measurements of my chest are 77-83. I was considered physically fit by the army personnel conducting this selection. Came back to our room by 6:00. Went to bed by 9:00.

5 January (Sunday)

Morning and afternoon attended the watering work in the rose garden along with my associates. Night saw a Tamil film in the Sappers Theater. Went to sleep by 10:30.

6 January (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the work of watering the rose garden from 6:30 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30 in the Information Room. Watered the rose garden from 10:00 to 12:00. Had my lunch by 1:30. Did the work of watering the rose garden from 3:00 to 5:00. Took a bath by 5:30. Had my supper by 8:00. May Lord Gopal bless and direct me. Went to bed by 9:00.

7 January (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the work of watering the rose garden from 7:30 to 8:00. Had my breakfast of three purees by 8:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 10:00. Did the dal (red gram, black gram, green gram, Bengal gram, etc.) packing work from 10:30 to 1:00 in the M.S.I. Had my lunch by 1:30. Worked in the M.S.I. from 2:30 to 6:30 packing dals and taking them into the C.S.D (Canteen Stores Department of Indian Army) counter. Today I received a reply to my letter from my teacher uncle Venkata Rama Raju. May Lord Gopal direct me. Went to bed by 9:00

8 January (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the rose garden watering work from 5:30 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 10:30 to 1:00. We have to pour dals and flours into polyethylene covers and pack them for their sale in the nearby military canteen. Had my lunch by 1:30. Did packing work in the M.S.I. from 2:30 to 6:30. Took a bath by 7:00. Today I received a letter from Molleru Mallavaram. Went to sleep by 9:00.

9 January (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the rose garden watering work from 5:30 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 10:00 to 1:00. Shaved my light beard by 1:30. Did dal packing work from 2:30 to 6:30. Today I did not bath. Today I wrote and posted a letter to my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani. Today it was cloudy. May Lord Gopal bless and direct me. My prayers to Mother Saraswati. Went to sleep by 9:00.

10 January (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the rose garden watering work from 5:30 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Did dal packing work from 10:00 to 1:00 in the M.S.I. Had my lunch by 1:30. Did the packing work in the M.S.I. from 2:30 to 6:30. For lack of time, this evening also I did not bath. Had my supper by 8:00. Today I received a letter from my maternal grandfather Subba Raju at Gollalagunta. Went to sleep by 9:00.

11 January (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the road watering and garden sweeping work from 5:30 to 7:30. Took a bath by 8:15. Today I attended the pre-medical test at the M.I. Room. First dental checkup was done. Evening also some other tests took place. They asked me to identify some colors and to listen to a human voice and say what he uttered while some disturbing noise is being created at my ears by another fellow. This is perhaps to test whether I can fight with the enemy or not even amid high sounds all around me in battleground. Came back to the room by 6:00. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to bed by 9:00.

12 January (Sunday)

Night saw the English film “Under the Seize-II” in the Sappers Theatre.

13 January (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the road watering work from 5:30 to 7:30. Reached the M.I. Room by 9:00 for the main medical test. They call it Direct or Pakka medical test. Today our body parts and their abilities were tested. The doctor (a male) made us entirely naked and checked every part of our bodies. This is the biggest humiliation I have ever faced in my life by a doctor. By 5:30 went   to nearby Ulsoor Lake Hospital and got the wax in my ears cleared. This afternoon the military doctor told me to get it done and take a medical certificate from a civilian doctor to prove that my ears are also healthy. Today it is Boghi (a festival before Sankranti on which day bonfire has to be lit and enjoyed by all). It went on like this. Went to bed by 9:00.

14 January (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:30. Watered the rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. Had breakfast Upma (an Indian dish) by 8:30. Did the garden watering work from 9:30 to 11:00. Today it is Hindu festival Sankranti. Today the families of army personnel enjoyed the day having special lunch. Went out and had meal for eight rupees in a hotel. Afternoon saw a film outside. I did not enjoy this festival. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Celebrated Sankranti casually. Went to sleep by 9:00.

15 January (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the road watering work from 5:30 to 6:30. Had my breakfast by 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 10:00. By 10:30 went to Medical Inspection Room where I have to submit my medical certificate (proving cleanliness of my ears) to doctor. By 12:30 the military doctor checked my ears and said that I am medically fit for the army. Did dal packing work from 2:30 to 5:30 in the M.S.I. Today I received a letter from my home. Today it rained in the evening. Went to sleep by 9:00.

16 January (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Early morning I vomited around 2:00. So, I became weak. Morning avoided breakfast. Had a glass of hot milk and bananas from the civilian shop in the army premises. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 10:30 to 1:00. Did the same work again from 2:30 to 6:00. Afternoon had a bit of lunch. Night avoided supper. Night saw the Tamil film “Netaji” in Sappers Theatre. The ticket cost me three rupees. Went to bed by 12:00.

17 January (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the road and garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:30. By 7:45 had breakfast of purees. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:00. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 10:30 to 1:00. By 1:30 had my lunch. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 2:30 to 5:30. Night avoided my supper. This is due to the weakness and aversion for food in relation to the vomiting that occurred to me yesterday. May God bless me. Today I received a letter from my brother Srinivas in Ambala Cantonment. Went to sleep by 9:00.

18 January (Saturday)

Got up by 5:30. Did the road and garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:30. By 8:00 had my breakfast of two purees. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 10:00. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 10:30 to 1:00. Avoided lunch. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 2:30 to 5:00. Today I received a letter from Molleru Mallavaram. Avoided supper. Went to bed by 9:00.

19 January (Sunday)

Afternoon saw the Tamil film “Asuran” in the Sappers Theatre. Night saw the Tamil film “Hello Brother” in it. My salutes to Lord Gopal.

20 January (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the road and rose garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Did the rose garden watering work from 10:00 to 1:00. Had my lunch by 1:30. Did the garden watering work from 2:30 to 4:30. By grace of Lord Krishna, I passed my physical and medical tests of the army selection process. I pray God to give me success even in the forthcoming written test. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to bed by 9:30.

21 January (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the work of watering the road and the rose garden from 5:30 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Did dal packing work from 10:30 to 1:00 in the Madras Sappers Institute (M.S.I.). After lunch did the same work from 2:30 to 5:30. Took a bath by 6:00. Had my supper by 8:00. My prayers to Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati. Went to sleep by 9:00.

22 January (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Did road and rose garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Today our education class teacher Subedar P P S Chauhan conducted a written test to us. Did it well. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 10:30 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:30. Had my supper by 8:00. Today I received a letter from my uncle Narayana Murthy. Spent a good day. Went to sleep by 9:00.

23 January (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Today is declared holiday by Central Government on the occasion of the birth anniversary of Subhash Chandra Bose. Did the rose garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 10:00 to 12:00. Did rose garden watering work from 4:00 to 6:00. Today I could not bathe due to non–availability of water at right time. Today it was hot. My prayers to Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati. Went to bed by 9:00.

24 January (Friday)

Got up by 5:30. Did the road and the rose garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:30. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30. Did dal packing work in the Madras Sappers Institute from 10:00 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:30. In the meantime took two containers of water to the house of Subedar Thiruvengadam. Today I did not bathe. Had my supper by 8:00. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to bed by 9:00.

25 January (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the work of watering the road and rose garden from 6:00 to 7:40. Attended the education class from 8:30 to 9:30 in which a quiz took place on General Knowledge. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 10:00 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 6:00. Today also I did not bathe due to non-availability of water. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to bed by 9:00.

26 January (Sunday)

Woke up by 5:30. Today it is Republic Day of India. Afternoon did a bit of reading. Spent all the day casually. Went to sleep by 9:00.

27 January (Monday)

Got up by 4:30. Prepared for the written test for some time. Started to Training Battalion III by 7:00. Today there is a written test for garden boys and civilian candidates. General Duty question paper was given out by 11:00. I did well in it. By 1:30 Storekeeper Technical (SKT) Clerk question paper was given out. In this test I did well in the English section. Thanks to my Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati. Returned to room in Depot Battalion by 4:00. Went to bed by 9:00.

28 January (Tuesday)

Woke up by 5:00. Did the work of watering road and rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. Did dal packing work in Madras Sappers Institute from 9:00 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 4:30. Did rose garden watering work from 5:00 to 5:40. Today I received a letter from Sudha Publications in New Delhi. Felt happy. Night went to Sappers Theatre and saw the Tamil film “Kalloori Vaasal” (“College Gate” in Telugu). For this reason I could not have my supper. Went to bed by 12:00.

29 January (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the work of watering the road and rose garden from 5:50 to 7:30. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 9:15 to 1:40. Had my lunch by 2:00. Did the work of watering the rose garden from 4:00 to 6:00. Took a bath by 6:30. The first film I saw in our Sappers Theater in Bangalore was “Nandavanattheri” of Karthik and Soundarya (a Tamil film). Today a farewell function to Deputy Commandant K S Saini took place on the occasion of his discharge from the army service. Went to bed by 10:00.

30 January (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the rose garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:30. Early morning much dew showered. Today is the day on which Nathuram Godse shot Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi in 1948. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 9:30 to 1:00 and again from 2:30 to 6:00. Today I sent 95 rupees to Sudha Publications Private Limited in New Delhi by Money Order. Took a bath by 6:30. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to bed by 9:30.

31 January (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the watering work of road and rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:30 to 5:30. Then went to Information Room and had a look at Telugu weekly Andhra Prabha. Today is the last day of this month. My farewell to this happy month. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to bed by 9:30.

1 February (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the work of watering road and rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 9:30 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:30. Today I did not bathe due to non-availability of water. Had my supper by 8:00. My hearty welcome to the second month of this English year. Let it be a happy month for me by the blessings of God. Went to bed by 9:00.

2 February (Sunday)

Morning and afternoon attended my regular duties. Night saw the Tamil film “Tata Birla” in the Sappers Theatre. Went to sleep by 11:00.

3 February (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the work of watering road and rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 9:00 to 1:00. Today there was only half-day work. Had my lunch by 1:45. By 2:30 had my haircut for two rupees in a nearby hair salon. Washed some clothes and then had a good bath. Did the rose garden watering work from 4:00 to 5:30. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to bed by 9:00.

4 February (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning brought hot tea to the security staff. From 6:00 to 7:00 did sweeping work on both sides of our habitation. I have to bring tea, breakfast, lunch and supper for the security staff over here for five days. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. from 9:15 to 12:30 and again from 2:15 to 6:15. I pray my Lord Gopal to direct me well. My prayers to Mother Saraswati. Had my supper by 8:30. Went to sleep by 9:30.

5 February (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:20. Today also I did all the assigned works related to the security staff. For this reason I need to be much fast in doing things. Took a bath by 8:15. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. and moving the packed things to the CSD counter from 9:30 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 6:00. It was cold in the early morning. May Lord Gopal direct me well. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to sleep by 9:00.

6 February (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Even today, day and night, I did the works related to the security staff. Did dal packing and carrying work at the M.S.I. from 9:30 to 12:30 and again from 2:30 to 6:00. Took a bath by 6:15. Night the security staff had a party. I spent there for this reason. Today I received a letter from my brother Srinivas. Went to sleep by 11:00.

7 February (Friday)

Got up by 5:20. Even today I did the works of bringing food and then washing their plates for the security staff. Did dal packing and carrying work at the storeroom of Madras Sappers Institute from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:30 to 6:00. Today I received a letter from my home. I felt happy. Took a bath by 6:30. Had my supper by 8:15. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to bed by 9:30.

8 February (Saturday)

Got up by 5:20. Even today I did all the works related to the security staff. Did dal packing work in the M.S.I. storeroom from 9:30 to 12:40 and again from 2:30 to 6:00. Had my supper by 8:30.  Today I did not bathe. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to bed by 9:00.

9 February (Sunday)

From 9:00 to 1:00 carried out my allotted work at Wet Canteen. Afternoon saw the Tamil film “Idhu Namma Bhoomi” in the Sappers Theatre. Went to sleep by 9:00.

10 February (Monday)

Got up by 5:20. Moved to rose garden by 6:00. There watering work went on till 7:30. Today it is a full holiday to M.S.I. We garden boys can’t enjoy this holiday. We have to do garden watering work. We did it from 9:00 to 1:00 and again from 3:30 to 5:30. Today I did not bathe. Had my supper by 8:00. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to sleep by 9:30.

11 February (Tuesday)

Woke up by 5:20. Did the garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:30. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. storeroom from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:30 to 5:30. Took a bath by 6:00. Watched some programs on Delhi Doordarshan from 6:30 to 7:00 in the Information Room. May Lord Ganesh and Mother Saraswati bless and direct me well. Went to bed by 10:30.

12 February (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:20. Did the work of watering the rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:00. Today I did not bathe. My thought follows, “Indian Army stands for courage and success. Working with it means the joy of commitment to the service of one’s motherland. May God bless the body and spirit of the Indian Army”. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to sleep by 9:30.

13 February (Thursday)

Got up by 5:20. Did the work of watering road and rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. from 9:00 to 1:00 and again from 2:30 to 5:30. It is not a difficult work. Today I received a letter from the maternal grandfather of my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani in Molleru Mallavaram. Today I bathed in the morning. Night did not have my supper. Went to Sappers Theatre and saw the Tamil film “Alexander”. Went to sleep by 11:00.

14 February (Friday)

Woke up by 5:20. Got ready and went to rose garden. Did watering work there from 6:00 to 7:15. Did dal packing work at M.S.I. storeroom from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 6:00. Took a bath by 6:15. Today is a special day in my life. I received 75 rupees of payment as remuneration to my services in the Indian Army as a garden boy for one month. This is my first salary for my first job in my life. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to sleep by 9:00.

15 February (Saturday)

Got up by 5:20. From 6:00 to 7:30 did the work of watering the rose garden and road before the office of the Commanding Officer H S Walia of Depot Battalion. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. storeroom from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:30. Had my supper by 8:30. Spent a good day. Went to sleep by 9:00.

16 February (Sunday)

Morning carried out the watering work in the rose garden for one hour along with my associates. Attended dal packing work at M.S.I. till 1:00. Afternoon saw the Tamil film “Aadhithyan” in the Sappers Theatre. Went to sleep by 9:00.

17 February (Monday)

Got up by 5:20. Did the work of watering the road and the rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. By 8:30, this morning, I was assigned the serving work at the Holiday Mess. Ex-army staff and their families come here today and have their special lunch happily. My schedule included cutting vegetables, serving food to guests, cleaning tables after their lunch, washing used dishes and helping my associates in the preparation of chapatis. It was over by 6:00. Night saw the Tamil film “Annamalai” of Rajnikanth and Khushboo in Sappers Theatre. Went to sleep by 11:00.

18 February (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Did the road watering work from 6:00 to 7:00. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:30. Today it was hot during daytime. Took a bath by 6:00. From 6:15 to 6:45 scanned the Telugu daily Andhra Prabha. Had my supper by 9:30. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to bed by 10:00.

19 February (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:20. Did the work of watering rose garden and road from 6:00 to 7:00. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:15. Today it was hot during daytime. Took a bath by 6:00. Had my supper by 7:30. The wheel of time is running under the supervision of God. Went to sleep by 9:00.

20 February (Thursday)

Woke up by 5:20. Did the work of watering the rose garden and road from 6:00 to 7:15. Did dal packing and carrying wok at M.S.I. from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:30. Today I avoided my bath and supper. Saw the Hindi feature film “Barsaat” of Twinkle Khanna and Bobby Deol from 7:00 to 9:30 in Sappers Theatre. Went to bed by 10:00.

21 February (Friday)

Woke up by 5:20. Got ready and went to the rose garden. Did the work of watering the road and rose garden from 6:00 to 7:15. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:30 to 5:30. Even civilian women work in this non-CSD storeroom meant for packing. Had a bath by 6:30 and my supper by 8:00. Today it was hot. Went to bed by 9:00.

22 February (Saturday)

Woke up by 5:30. Did the work of watering the rose garden and road from 6:00 to 7:00. Did dal packing work at M.S.I. storeroom from 9:15 to 1:00. Afternoon I did not go to M.S.I. for packing work lying that I got stomachache. Went to Sappers Theatre and saw the Tamil film “Bombay“of Arvind Swamy and Manisha Koirala. I was a bit apprehensive that the army personnel could catch me for doing this tricky thing as a garden boy. It has a sweet love story. I liked it very much. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to sleep by 9:00.

23 February (Sunday)

Salutes to my Lord Krishna. From 9:00 to 6:00 carried out my assigned work at Havildar Mess. Night saw the Tamil film “Kadhalan” in the Sappers Theater. Went to sleep by 11:00.

24 February (Monday)

Got up by 5:20. Did the rose garden watering work from 6:00 to 7:00. Had breakfast of purees by 7:30. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. from 9:30 to 1:00 and again from 2:30 to 5:15. Today I could not bathe due to non-availability of water. Had my supper by 8:00. Today it was hot. My prayers to Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati. Went to bed by 9:00.

25 February (Tuesday)

Woke up by 5:30. Got ready soon and went to the rose garden. Did the work of watering the rose garden and road from 6:00 to 7:15. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. from 9:15 to 1:00. Afternoon did a little gardening work. Did some work at Havildar Mess from 3:30 to 5:30 and again from 7:00 to 10:00. Today I Had a bath by 6:00. Went to sleep by 10:30.

26 February (Wednesday)

Woke up by 5:20. Did the watering work of the rose garden and road from 6:00 to 7:15. Did dal packing and carrying work at M.S.I. non-C.S.D. main storeroom from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 5:30. Today I did not bathe. May Lord Gopal bless me with physical and mental strength. May Mother Saraswati give me wisdom. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to sleep by 9:30.

27 February (Thursday)

Woke up by 5:20. Did the watering work in the rose garden from 6:00 to 7:30. Did dal packing work at non-CSD main storeroom from 9:15 to 1:00. Eight civilian women also work along with us (garden boys) in this storeroom. By 2:00 I moved to Havildar Mess for helping work in the lunger (the army personnel call their kitchen by this name). During my five hours of work there, I helped the lunger staff in preparing chapatis for supper and in bringing vegetables and fruit from the Quarter Master Store in an army truck. Took a bath by 7:00. Night avoided my supper and saw the Kannada film “Nadharagini” in Sappers Theatre. Went to sleep by 11:00.

28 February (Friday)

Got up by 5:20. Did the watering work of the rose garden and road from 6:00 to 7:00. Did dal packing work at M.S.I. and unloading work of liquor bottles from army truck into godown from 9:15 to 1:00 and again from 2:15 to 6:00. Took a bath by 6:15. Had my supper by 8:30. Today is the last day of this month. My farewell to it. May Lord Gopal direct me well. May Mother Saraswati bless me. Spent a good day. Went to sleep by 9:00.

1 March (Saturday)

Got up by 5:20. Morning did the watering work of the rose garden and road for one hour. Did dal packing work at M.S.I. from 9:15 to 10:30. By 11:00 our recently held written test results were announced. I passed both General Duty and SKT Clerk tests. We were present at the office of CHQ (Central Headquarters) by 3:00. Since I passed the Physical, Medical and Written Tests of the army selection process, staying as a garden boy here for all these days, from today onwards I will not be a garden boy any more. Hereafter I belong to Indian Army as a Recruit.  So, my role of garden boy, played from 27 December 1996 to 28 February 1997, comes to an end by today. By 9:00 we were at Ayub Company in Training Battalion III. Went to sleep by 10:00.

2 March (Sunday)

Woke up by 5:30. Morning and afternoon carried out sweeping work in our surroundings. Night did cleaning work for two hours at Lunger House. Went to sleep by 10:00.

3 March (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Did sweeping work with a broom around the office of Training Battalion III from 6:00 to 8:00. Had breakfast of two purees by 8:30. Did sweeping work before the lunger of Yacoob Company and on the nearby road from 9:00 to 1:00. Had my lunch by 1:30. By 3:00 we started to Depot Battalion. We reached the Basketball Court by the Swimming Pool by 3:20. We clapped and encouraged our teams playing there against others. We went there to clap and encourage our army teams playing there. We returned to our barracks in TB III by 6:30. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to sleep by 9:00.

4 March (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Did sweeping work around the offices of Training Battalion III from 5:30 to 7:30. Had my breakfast by 8:00. Did kitchen work in the lunger of Yacoob Company and the shifting work of vegetable bags from there to a nearby storeroom from 8:30 to 1:30 and again from 2:15 to 5:15. Had my lunch by 1:30. Took a bath by 6:00. Today there is a farewell function to the Commanding Officer Raghuvinder Lal as he is going to Depot Battalion from TB III. I too had Bada Khana (these are Hindi words meaning ‘big meal’. It means special food in military parlance wherein many food items are served to the army staff as part of the celebration of an important occasion). Went to sleep by 9:00.

5 March (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Went to Physical Training (PT) ground and did some physical exercises from 6:00 to 7:30 along with my fresh recruits. Worked at JCO’s (Junior Commissioned Officer) Mess from 9:00 to 1:00. I washed plates here. Had my lunch by 2:40. Did sweeping work around the office of Yacoob Company from 3:00 to 5:30. Today our (fresh batch of recruits) personal details were noted down at this battalion office. Took a bath by 6:00. Had my supper by 8:00. Went to sleep by 9:30.

6 March (Thursday)

Got up by 5:20. Did sweeping work around the battalion office from 6:00 to 7:30. Did cleaning work at lunger from 9:00 to 1:00. Had my lunch by 1:30. By 2:00 we went to the Clothing Issuance Storeroom in TB III. They gave us recruit uniforms and bedding material. Today we moved into a nearby one from our present barracks. Evening did sweeping work around our company office. Had my supper by 9:00. From tomorrow onwards we have to work at the army short lines in our battalion. Went to sleep by 11:00.

7 March (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. From 5:30 to 7:30 we did physical exercises in the PT ground of TB III. Had my breakfast by 8:00. Did garbage removing work near the Officers’ Quarters from 10:00 to 12:00. Had my lunch by 1:30. Did sweeping work around the barracks of our platoon from 2:00 to 4:00. Night went to the temple of Lord Shiva in our battalion and prayed Him to bless and direct me. Night I did cleaning work in our lunger. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to sleep by 10:30.

8 March (Saturday)

Woke up by 4:00. Physical Training took place from 5:40 to 7:30. Had my breakfast by 7:40. Reached M.S.I. in Depot Battalion by 10:00. Today I worked there for some time. Then I went out (civilian stores in Bangalore from which the army buys shopping material in wholesale for their retail sale in the CSD canteens) in the military truck along with some of my associates to load the shopping material there and to unload them into the godown near the M.S.I. storeroom. This work went on till 6:00. Then we returned to TB III from Depot Battalion on foot crossing the railway track in between. Had my supper by 8:30. Went to sleep by 9:30.

9 March (Sunday) to 31 May (Saturday)

I am writing this on 26^th of May. I could not write about my daily activities in this diary from 9 March to 31 May due to heavy work in army and distractions at home afterwards. During my stay at Yacoob Company in Training Battalion III, I was mostly assigned work at Sappers’ House or Madras Sappers Institute in Depot Battalion. The commandant to Madras Engineering Group and Center (shortly and popularly called MEG by people related to the Indian Army) was R S Grewal. Our Company Subedar was M Venu Gopal, a Tamilian. Our Company Havildar Major (CHM) was S Martin. Our Platoon 3/97 G (referring to recruits that joined the Indian Army in the month of March, in the year 1997) consisted of 55 recruits in total. Most of them are from Visakhapatnam district and some are from other districts in Andhra Pradesh.

These days job (any formal employment) plays an important role in one’s life and society. I was interested in being a jobholder. Many in our village advised me not to join army. Even my brother Srinivas, who is in army, firmly advised me not to join army. I did not care about their pieces of advice. I was leading hellish life without money. My father did not give me even the little bit of money that meets my essential needs of food and clothes in that stage of collegiate life. I was hell-bent on finding a job. The only alternative to a boy that passed Intermediate was Indian Army (a permanent central government job with good salary and considerable recognition in the society). By grace of God, I was part of Indian Army very quickly in amazing way. I am thankful to Lord Krishna in this respect. Days and nights were passing on. Every second was running without liberty and peace of mind in the army as a garden boy. I did not like it.

I felt happy when I heard that I passed both the General Duty (GD) and Store Keeper Technical (SKT) Clerk tests at the office of Central Head Quarters (CHQ) in Madras Engineering Group and Center. During my garden boy work in Depot Battalion (while watering rose garden and road by the office of the commanding officer) I saw from distance how the army training was going on in the nearby drill ground. But I could not understand how it would be really until I was commanded to do physical training in the PT Ground of Training Battalion III. Then I could feel the physical strain and psychic disorder personally.

Many things can’t be understood in life just by looking from outside or listening to others when they are saying something about their familiar things. This theory is applicable to my case.

One morning I was sent to the PT Ground in Training Battalion III for physical training for one hour along with my platoon. That day almost all of us received stick beats on our buttocks (I appreciate if you laugh visualizing our ironical situation in the tough setting of army training in the hands of our trainer) by our training supervisor. He told us to do such physical acts (of course exercises; shame to call them with this formal word) wherein we can’t escape from being beaten up by him in any way. His goal was to beat us. He did it. That night my health failed badly. Diarrhoea and vomiting attacked me. Then I realized that I cannot withstand the physical hardship of military training. I decided to properly leave army at the earliest. Human destiny seldom allows one to do anything as one likes. It makes him do what it has in its closed doors of mystery. Few can escape from its dictatorial and merciless commands.

Presently India is facing severe problem of unemployment. Phenomenal increase in the number of educated youth led to this predicament. Many youth (mostly because they are not much educated and because they need money regularly to live for some years) are lining up in large numbers in the army selection camps being conducted regularly in many parts of India every year. Majority of them are paying thousands of rupees as bribe to middlemen to join the Indian Army. Most of them borrow this money from their relatives or familiar ones at high interest rates to repay it after joining the job. If they can’t get the job, crossing the ordeals of physical, medical and written tests, a hell of suffering hits them. There is no liberty or happiness in army for the low cadre personnel. But there are food, shelter and money. These are the things human beings need to live. They can’t or shouldn’t think of other alternatives if they want to live for some years. They know it clearly and so they join army.

I did not pay even a paisa for getting recruited into army. With much desire for being a jobholder, I worked as a garden boy for about two months. I wrote and posted a letter to Commandant R S Grewal on 17 March requesting him to discharge me from the military service. I think I would have written that letter effectively. It must have moved his heart. Our CHM and Company Subedar advised me not to be scared of the training and to withdraw from my decision of leaving the army. I temporarily forgot that matter.

After four days of my posting the letter to him, I was marched to the Head (D D Vinod Kumar, the acting CO at that time) of TB III. He advised me to withdraw from my decision of voluntary discharge. I did not change my mind. He said that writing a letter to the head of the army center was not a good practice undertaken by me. He liked my English and told that I would go to good positions in army if I stay back. With my trivial qualification, it would never be possible in my life. I knew it.

The clerical staff, on the instructions of this Commanding Officer, quickly prepared the formal documents for my discharge from the army. They took my signature on some of those typed documents. Many senior recruits there said that discharge from the army service is not a speedy process and that it takes months for one to go out after joining it formally. I felt very sad to hear that comment from them. I thought on how I can be relieved from the army at the earliest in a formal manner. A strategy struck my mind. It was to behave like a miserable creature who can never be asked to do anything other than to leave the army at the earliest. In ten days’ time, my discharge formalities were over. Two other fresh recruits also came out from army along with me. One was a Tamil boy and the other a Telugu boy from Srikakulam district.

I spent three days in Depot Battalion before formally coming out from the army. They asked me to fill in some details for their records. I saw four films in Sappers Theatre during this stay. They were “Poomani”, “Kadhal Kottai” (Tamil films), “The Return of Jewel Thief” (a Hindi film) and “Gharaana Bullodu” (a Telugu film). On 17 April, I took Brindavan Express at Bangalore railway station to Chennai Central. From there I took Madras-Howrah Mail to Rajahmundry. Thence went to the house of my maternal grandparents in Gollalagunta. By evening on 20 April, I reached our temporary abode in our mango garden by hills.

Every Friday evening we recruits went to temple and spent worshipping God for some time. Our seniors and Subedar cadre fellows often scolded us using offensive language. They use Tamil to do it. Some of our Tamil knowing folks translated it into Telugu, understanding which one can judge how superiors in army treat their subordinates. Everything has to be done with running speed. Short haircut has to take place every Sunday. Cots must be taken out from the barracks and the sleeping venue must be watered and cleaned neatly every Sunday. There was no time to bathe, wash clothes or even to read letters from homes.

On every alternate day, mutton curry and fruit would be served with supper. For the ones that spent a happy and carefree life in the civilian atmosphere, the army environment looks like a nightmare playing before their open eyes. Nobody can go out of the army premises, crossing iron fence, without permission from their superiors. I felt as if I was in a prison. I found every moment vulnerable and unbearable since the day I decided to leave army. I saw the Hindi feature film “Deewana” of Rishi Kapoor, Shah Rukh Khan and Divya Bharati, one night, on the screen of wall in TB III. I liked it very much. It haunted me for some days and nights. Films could make me live like a human being among all these disturbances.

Anybody, related to army, who is senior to us, should be addressed “sir”. One should always wear one’s canvas shoes. Thefts among us are common. There is no security to valuable personal belongings, if any. In short, “The army is to earn a few thousands of rupees, doing some kind of work, which is neither hard nor trivial in any sense and a helpless withdrawal from a carefree civilian and happy married life”. I got 75 rupees for my job of garden boy for the month of January.

I gave back all the clothing and bedding material, issued by army, and came to Andhra Pradesh from Karnataka, with 35 rupees only. I sold my canvas shoes to one of my fellow recruits for this amount of money because I did not have even one rupee in my hands. I became so mad that I spent all my money to eat or drink something buying in the military stores there since the day I thought that I would leave army soon. I wanted the heaven of liberty I enjoyed in the outer (civilian) world. Luckily they gave me a warrant for my free journey from Bangalore railway station to Narsipatnam Road railway station. It was my sojourn for four months in a regulated town of military people, I reflect. I think God sent me to army for a short stay to make me realize the value of civilian life and the suffering of loss of affection from parents and relatives at home.

Many soldiers and recruits in our battalion advised me not to leave army because it is a golden opportunity that came my way without paying money and also because my trade (SKT Clerk) is a comfortable and lucrative one in the long run. There is nothing to worry about, once the compulsory basic training is over, they said. It is a God’s gift in reality. My brother Srinivas, from Ambala Cantonment, also wrote me to withstand that short period of difficulty in the training. Life would be enjoyable after going to a regiment, he said. My adamant mind did not listen to anybody. I personally experienced restrictive army life. My decision was final. I stood on it.

When I was a garden boy in Depot Battalion, I noticed a beautiful girl in our vicinity. Her name is Ankila Rani. She must be 28 or so. She is of Nayak rank and belongs to clerk trade. I used to see her while watering the rose garden. She was in an elegant uniform and I in a bad covering like an ugly gardener among beautiful rose plants. Being a man, I could not do the army training whereas she was bravely performing her duties after the training. May God bless her and give a long life. Later I wrote a letter to her expressing my sense of admiration for her duty and beauty. She must have taken me as a nut. There was no reply. I regretted it. I must beg my brother Srinivas to pardon me. I irritated him until he helped me join the army applying to his army center to take me as a garden boy to prove my abilities in the selection process and then join it. He gave me an opportunity for which I begged him. I left it later out of my helplessness.

I could know how my Indian brothers and sisters are safeguarding the territorial integrity of India, day and night. May be most of them would have joined army for their livelihood but their duties and the sacrifice of their personal comforts are always superior and sacred compared to those of other jobholders in the civilian society. They need to be respected and admired for this reason. The green years of their prime youth melt by the authoritarian orders of their superiors, in the rigid discipline of the army life and in attending their dangerous duties in service of their motherland (an abstract entity from one’s personal point of view). My salutes to one and all that belong to army.

I wonder to recollect the fast pace in which I entered and returned from the army. It was all a matter of 120 days and nights; entering a great profession and then deserting it without meeting even a fragment of the great mission embodied by the army service. Physically I am not much strong to carry out military duties effectively. For this service, the strength of body is 80% important and the spirit supporting it 20%. I lacked the prior and foremost quality in this regard. I lived a sensitive and carefree life outside. It could not withstand the disciplined and rigorous military life. I owe to God. He imparted me this useful training in life and then brought me back safely to show me the other facets of human life in future.

Thus I had a little experience in the army. I don’t know whether I am right or wrong in joining and then coming back from the army. I can say it is a destined occurrence in my life. I spent 2000 rupees during this short stay in the army. My army number is 15317443^H. My salutes to Madras sappers who offered and are offering their services to their motherland, selfishly or selflessly.

Presently we are living in an insecure and competitive age. Most of the educated ones are in search of jobs. Finding a good job is not easy these days. Some reserved categories are a bit lucky in this sphere. Even others are interested to somehow join a reserved category. In this complex scenario, it is better to avoid every type of reservation and allow everybody to fight against others in terms of acquired knowledge and its successful application to gain the desired position in a competitive environment, which is based on equal justice to all. 

Once girls and women remained in their houses. There was no much freedom to them. So, they could not improve mentally. They mostly followed the rules set by their elders. They respected the words of their parents. They stood for moral values and traditional beliefs. These concepts are of abstract nature because one can say them to all but one can’t verify perfectly whether they are observing them in their body and spirit equally or not. Historians and the related books try to project everything in some generalization or rationalization and so truths often get buried in this mess of documentation. So, our history and future are mysterious. Time kills truths. We struggle to chronicle, preserve and present the nature and events of its journey for our future generations. We depend on lies to support some truths in this endeavor.

In the modern society, women are entities of their own individualities and preferences. They got an identity of their own as a race. They are also highly educated and liberated like men. They are aware of many things related to society and government. They are not ready to be dictated by others. They are fighting against theories and acts of injustice to them. They are stars of beauty and masters of intelligence. All these positive changes must be welcomed by humanitarians. Everybody must understand that nobody can suppress anybody on irrational grounds for long.

The improved conditions of women led to some demerits also. Their intellectual betterment led them to demand and achieve their natural rights. They are fighting for equal rights with men. They got reservations in jobs. This led to the problem of gent unemployment and related bachelorhood. A man with a good job would be ready to marry a jobless woman. On the other hand, very few women wish to marry jobless men. Ironically, men hesitate to marry women with jobs because inferiority complex tortures them after marriage. The typical male psyche, which has taken the present form after some centuries of habit formation, thinks itself to be superior to female race, which needs to look after them with its own earning, can’t adjust to this negative atmosphere that early. Ego problems crop up soon after marriage in many cases. They take some decades to conform to this change. In the modern culture, women drive scooters asking their male partners to sit at their back. Uneducated men interpret this change as the ego of educated and financially independent women and educated men sit there silently. Educated folks often resolve their issues in such a way, which proves to be a blessing in disguise at some point of time in their future. They think they can relax while their female counterparts are driving their vehicles. An uneducated one seldom allows his wife to do such things. He wants to prove his superiority to his partner at any cost, barring rationality and common sense at times.

The attitudes of the present parents are abnormal in terms of their preferences in getting their daughters married. The first thing they consider is their community or class because it is a common disease for many Indians. The second thing is that the fellow should have a job and should be away from his home during much part of his professional life. How much is he earning is very important. He must look like a royal and classic personality in manners and outer appearance. He must regularly get money from his rich and reliable employer. They mostly do not like their daughter being married to some bloke who has many acres of agricultural land or some big or small business. This is because these two kinds of creatures do the same things before their eyes daily. It looks boring and outdated to them. This is the reason for why many youth belonging to agriculture or businesses are unable to get their favorite girls as their wives against the jobholders around them who earn less than them in fact. The parents of girls should change their mindsets and see that these victims also get beautiful creatures as their life partners. Bachelors owe them a lot if they reform themselves soon in this direction.

I wonder to see the present-day devotees of gods and goddess. They don’t like ancient gods like Lord Shiva and Lord Krishna. They worship Shirdi Sai Baba, Raghavendra Swamy, Puttaparti Sai Baba, Kalki Bhagwan and the like. Religion should be left to one’s personal choice. I should not criticize them. The irony is some of these modern gods and goddesses were proved to be actors and actresses. The corollary is even intellectuals of the world started worshipping these gods and goddesses without rationality and study of their real characters in majority of the cases. Consequently the common are also following these figures deserting their mainstream religion of standards, proofs and values. It is a threat to the survival and sustainability of major world religions and worst results can be expected soon. As old is avoidable and new is attractive, these modern people are after fashionable and visible gods and goddesses. There may be days when these old gods and goddesses need to come down to earth and canvass about themselves for retaining their few existing devotees or to attract new ones. This competition among the mainstream deities to increase their (declining) popularity among the populations may be interesting to watch for the future generations.

Beliefs in gods and goddess by humanity are desirable. It makes a man or a woman somewhat scared of evil thoughts and pursuits and encourages them toward anything that is perceived as sacred. Every religion professes a number of rigid practices and disciplinary measures to be followed by and inflicted upon its followers. The wonder is many hear all this with their two ears but practice with none of their two hands. This is why we see many devotees at temples and also equal or more number of atrocities and sins around there. Humanity wants good results without shunning its bad qualities. This is the paradox with majority of the religions in the world.

Leading an ideal life is very difficult in every age for a man or a woman. Idealism expects the humans to be selfless and philanthropic in majority of their thoughts and acts toward others. It demands great qualities from its practitioners. The problem is the ordinary society seldom honors idealists. They are considered as worthless and brainless creatures in majority of the cases. In this regressive environment, even the very few good ones are taking the route of many bad ones. It is difficult even for a saint to talk about virtues in a public place when some two hundred radical girls and women sit nakedly before him to test his self-control as a saint or a common human being. This is why we observe much difference between theory and practice. Self-satisfaction and self-reformation should be the little goals to be achieved through the principles of idealism set by oneself for one’s improvement and salvation, not minding the contemporary trends or criticism.

Being always good to oneself or others is a difficult concept to think of or put in practice. Being good to oneself or toward others implies not bothering oneself or others in every possible case. In majority of the cases, there would be many preferences or options from which one needs to choose only one or very few. It puts one in dilemma. Doing one hinders the positive impacts of all the other left out options. This is why we see the best people of the world also being criticized by the worst people. We can’t show why one is good to a bad fellow because he sees every good act as a negligible one done by the good fellow because the good fellow did/does it without thinking for his own which is the bad thing of a person according to the narrow standards and values of this bad fellow. Since humans think differently and justify their actions effectively, often one fails to convince others in matters of good and bad. It is often comparison that looks interesting rather than generalization or standardization of certain principles or observations in a given set of things or phenomena. Self-discipline is always better because it ensures one’s improvement based on one’s guidelines and preferences rather than force or advice by others.

This human world is a great creation of God. There is no reliable evidence to prove its origin. It is a continuous flow of births, lives, deaths and rebirths. Some celebrate the joys of their lives and some regret the tragedies of their lives. These two phenomena occur side by side. Yet nobody worries about the other fellow. It is all selfishness filled in one’s smiles and cries. The theme of the drama is the same. Only characters change time to time. Feelings, sensations and emotions become memories and those memories also melt into nothingness one day. There are many beauties in this world. We get deeply attracted toward them. There are very few tragedies. They impact us a little for some time. This is why we see many engaged in jubilations to forget the few tragedies around them.

I wonder to interpret the word ‘sacredness’. Perhaps it is related to human nature according to which one should be away from sinful and evil thoughts and acts in body and spirit. Perhaps sin means something which is universally detestable and psychologically upsetting. Generally, some evil thoughts always develop in the mind of every living being. Let us consider, “There is a gentleman. He is very sensitive regarding his behavior. He has some principles, which he wants to follow strictly for his satisfaction. He is very handsome. He controls his lust. He is living in a society. There are a few beautiful girls in that society. They are all virgins. Their age compels them to do some things, which are not ethically acceptable. They are all suffering from a fatal disease. They die in some two months’ time. They wish to satisfy their bodily instincts in association with this gentleman. There are no handsome men in that society other than him. No man in this world is going to marry them because they die soon. There is no question of chastity for them in this context. They just want to taste the bliss of male female relationship for once before they desert this world. They try a lot to be loved by him and to spend a few minutes at least in his company. He does not care them at all. Eventually they commit suicides one day out of that frustration and pain. Their souls are not allowed into heaven or hell because they ended their lives on their own, which is against the will of God. They are suffering even after their deaths because of this gentleman”.

In this example, could the gentleman keep his sacredness allowing the girls to commit suicides through his negligence toward them based on his rigid principles? Is that what it means to be away from sin? Did this person commit sin or not? According to his attitude, one must avoid any kind of physical relationship with other women, except with one’s wife. There is no surety that he marries because his destiny may keep him as a bachelor forever. His body is neither useful nor harmful to him or others. It is because he is living like a saint in a society, which is filled with ordinary people, who have common human desires. The handsomeness of his body made a few innocent girls commit suicides. He must live in a secluded place meditating for God. He is not eligible to live among other common people, who are attached to this material world, in a passionate and emotional way, on a daily basis. His existence in the form of a human body thus remains a point of controversy. The dichotomy between sacredness and sin thus continues to be explored and interpreted differently forever.

An express train is running on its track during a winter night. It is a very long journey train. All the passengers detrained from its reservation compartments, except those two. The train has to run for two more hours to reach its destination. One girl and one boy remained in one reservation compartment. They have to detrain at the last station. It started drizzling outside. Both of them are below 16. They are competent to each other in physical beauty. They have platonic relationship from a long distance. Both of them are chaste. None of them enjoyed the happiness involved in a passionate touch between two creatures of opposite gender. An unexpected and enticing opportunity is captivating them. Their libidinous minds and passionate bodies did not think of the purity of their long cherished characters at that moment. They are bombarded by a set of influential forces and overpowering intuitions. They felt a novel experience in those intimate moments of their innocent lives. The train has stopped at its destination. Both of them walked in two directions and thus were separated forever. They lost the purity of their characters according to the dictates of their active conscience. Did they commit sin? Did they lose their sacredness? If it was their basic instincts that prompted them to do it, which were installed by a supernatural body in everybody, or an effect of genes according to the science, should it be considered a sin committed by them? Should not they marry any other person in their lives? Because nobody saw what really happened, can they behave as sacred people in the society? How much sacredness is there in the present world if we scan it from this perspective? How many doctors and saints are advising their clients and followers not to marry anybody else if an incident of this kind occurred in their lives at some point of time? Toward what is the man’s or woman’s journey going on in this ethical dilemma of good or bad? How do we define purity of character and retain it, even in terms of thoughts in our mind, in the present world, where many disorders and distractions are influencing our body and mind frequently?

Most of the Indians value their tradition and culture. Generally none likes to marry a widow when there is an unmarried girl at hand. They think that the widow lost her sacredness having slept with her dead husband while he was alive. Being touched physically by a particular person for some duration of her life, she became such a person, who should not be touched by other men any more. On the other hand, a man can have unethical relationships with any number of women, secretly or openly, but, when it comes to marriage, many irrational, stupid and barbaric norms come into force. The civilized society takes it casually. If a widow does it openly or secretly, she is considered a prostitute or somebody without worthy character of her own. The same widow can be a great star of sexual pleasure if she arranges herself at a brothel in a busy city. She can earn well and live a luxurious life. Should a widow live alone or join a business house in this context? Society never answers these questions. It is individual that needs to decide what to do according to her calculations of what is good or bad or what is desirable or avoidable. 

An Indian woman should be dedicated to one person only after her marriage, whether he is alive or dead. Her bodily desires can’t be supposed to have been uprooted along with her husband’s death. God keeps the body with the same instincts; it is with the mind He often plays the game of tragedy. If such woman tries to satisfy her desires through other means, should she be considered a sinner according to our codes of human ethics? Assume that her family ordered her not to ever show her face because they knew that she committed a mistake, which they hate as ordinary social beings. Then what can she be other than a prostitute, if at all she wants to live for some more years. Should she die to keep her sacredness or live to cleanse her past sins? When her own folks treat her as a prostitute, what is wrong in really becoming so? How can she uphold her sacredness in this scenario? Suppose that she lived without touching any male until she died. Does anybody honor her? Does society treat her as a goddess? Does she want all that when she is near her death? Is it good to kill her along with her husband to prevent her from doing any sins thereafter as was or is being practiced in some states of India? Humanitarians and social reformers condemn it. Conservatives support that practice. They believe that she upholds the norms of their tradition killing herself after her husband’s death. If a sensible woman has such critical problems in her own society, what about other creatures in this world, which are being killed daily for others. Our books and critics do not or cannot comment much on this. These are universal issues. One has to decide on them on one’s own negating the entire world and yet keeping hypocrisy in oneself to show to the society that a holy creature is living around them. This is what they call being smart when the situation is hot around.

I think human brain is a storehouse of a number of thoughts. They are both bad and good in nature. Out of them, in real life, man follows good thoughts only. He suppresses his bad thoughts forever. He developed some rules and regulations to make it happen strictly in a social setting. They are the rules of tradition. If one follows those rules without rational thinking and logical argument, one can be considered a good person in a society. Otherwise he or she looks like an abnormal or revolutionary creature to the society. It does not approve such practices and tendencies in majority of the cases. Considerations and priorities of the self are often neglected, or controlled by the conventional and unethical norms of a society. Thus orthodox and organized societies often kill the idealism and rationality of many individuals.

One can find absolute satisfaction in one’s mind only. People with crazy mentality call them fantasies and ones with sensitive psychology name them dreams. Most of one’s desires remain unfulfilled in one’s outer life, which can be seen by others. One cannot fulfill them at all because the oppressive tradition dictates one to follow it blindly. It frightens him all the time. He fears to go beyond those boundaries drawn by the society. He wants to be part of it at the cost of his individual life and its dreams. Sometimes society kills its members if they go against its orders. Where is humanity? Where is liberty? Liberty is there in living until we die dying daily because we are living a mechanical and artificial life killing most of our personal and rational desires of our spirit and voice. We are orphans with many relatives and well-wishers around us. We lost our distinct human identity at some stage of our evolutionary prehistoric ages. Now we are all self-made hypocrites and cheats in the modern societies.

A considerable dimension of social life is leaving all the human beings to live the way they like. In this environment, it is fine if everybody follows some self-styled virtues toward the other. But it rarely occurs in many societies. When there is absolute liberty, man becomes a brute and exploits and tortures his fellow creatures. By this we understand that man is a psychopath who can never live happily either in an organized society or in a completely liberal world. He is a poisonous creature. He injects poison into him to fanatically enjoy the calamity of that hell. They think that India stands for great culture. It is all blind adherence to their tradition in reality.

Absolute liberty and arbitrary virtuous human living are mostly contradictory to one another. Some invisible force filled human brains with this dichotomy. They hardly live in harmony when there is prosperity all around and goodness in everybody. Acceptable and ideal culture without restrictions on individual life is mostly objectionable to many. Personal liberty of good people is thus lost forever in this context. It is mostly a few bad people that create hell for majority of the humanity. The good people never unite to uproot the bad people with their collective effort. Had it ever occurred in human evolution, our history would never have been smeared with bloodstains. Virtue represents sensitivity and complacence but vice stands for ferocity and barbarism. Moon can’t fight sun. Dewdrops can’t withstand the heat of summer. When evil enters, virtue disappears. Evil is destructive and virtue is constructive. These are all human problems. There are very few solutions to these challenges. One needs to compromise a lot in arriving to some acceptable remedies to these ironies. Fair and equitable justice is thus absent in human societies in all the ages.

I wonder at the interpretation of the word “culture” in its facets of being good or bad. Indians are considered to be good cultured ones by many foreigners. Indian culture also has immorality and filth in abundance in its internal structure. Nobody questions if a very rich man marries going against their tradition. Very few question widespread corruption and immorality of politicians and businessmen in India. Very few mind if a rich man is spending with some ten women. If money is everything, which can suppresses anything, where is that special thing of Indian culture? It is not applicable to a common man or woman. There is much immorality in the Indian way of life before and after marriage. Where is that great Indian culture in this sphere? I think Indians are better actors than others in this world. Europeans do everything openly when it comes to their practice of sensuousness. Nude beaches and public kissing are a few examples of this. Indians do it secretly to be treated as good ones by distant observers of their culture. This is why we see poor sex workers by national highways and rich prostitutes in important places of the cities in an unorganized and disguised manner. The government disapproves these acts in its societies as a matter of policy. It knows that it all happens clandestinely. Frequent police raids on brothels to catch helpless prostitutes and night clubs to arrest the ultramodern youth are indications of the hypocrisy of Indian way of life. One should have honesty to accept that one is doing something socially avoidable but personally interesting. Europeans have such candor.

The purity of Indian marriage system is a good point to think on to know about the degree of sanctity associated with it. We should accept that youth get distracted by many audio and visual contents of immorality and obscenity in the present age. Then, the question is, if marriage is meant for uniting a girl and a boy to allow them to initiate a socially appreciable way of conjugal and family life, and if it is supposed to bring together two pure minds and bodies, how many virgins and bachelors are there in India today to really conform to the ideals carried by Vedic verses chanted by priests at the time of their marriage! If premarital sex is a fashion for modern youth, why spending a lot of money for celebration of marriages, in the name of holiness and Indian tradition, which disapprove these trends of modern Indian culture? Is it to exhibit one’s material richness or the sacredness of a human relationship that is going to take place in the form of marriage in progress? What purpose is there in the concept of ‘first night’ (a formal observation followed soon after marriage of many Hindus for bringing the bride and the bridegroom together physically in a closed environment) when one or both of them has or have enjoyed material pleasures before their marriage. In this context, marriage is a social drama without any purity or sacredness in it. Modernity disdained the pure and honest characteristics of marriage in India. Youth should keep their bodies pure at least, if not their minds. Otherwise it is all about mutual need fulfillment. Man and woman are two objects or animals in such culture. Then it is good if such youth shut up their mouths when virtuous people of the world are discussing morality and spiritualism. They have no eligibility to interfere or authority to question the saints and practitioners of these ideal human values. They are immoral dogs and bitches on this soil. They should not talk about great things of life and Indian culture.

Institutions and doctrines of law are there in all the countries and societies. But I don’t like this law at all because it can’t realize the meaning of the term “Law”. Law should define, describe and support the truth powerfully punishing the evil to the maximum extent. How far is this fundamental principle of law being practiced or fulfilled in the present countries and their conditions? It may be 20% only. Selfishness, political interference and strength of money are damaging the spirit of law and its maintenance nowadays. “When there are time and chance to gain something, when there is a physically or financially strong person to support one, one kills a person, conceals a truth, buys a lawyer, proves one’s innocence and goes out of the network of blind law to live happily”. Justice is a distant dream for the common in many countries. In this world of money, where the guiding principle of human survival and prosperity is ‘might is right’, constitutionally guaranteed human rights remain shadows of untruth and anarchy. A bad lawyer can build a palace with his corrupt money earned from the debris of the ruin of innocent human lives. A good lawyer, upholding the sanctity and power of law, through his profession, can hardly earn. Values are difficult to practice. Lawyers are also ordinary creatures. They can’t sacrifice their lives to uphold law and justice at the cost of their comforts and priorities when everybody is corrupt and immoral around them. The practice of great virtues may bring in some award toward the end of one’s professional life. Can one sacrifice the comforts of one’s active and crazy life to receive a gold medal toward the end of one’s life? In this scenario, it is the poor that suffer much because they want justice but they can’t buy it in the market like the rich and the influential. The life of justice is in the hands of lawyers and judges. They are in the hands of the privileged, the mighty and the cruel, intentionally, occasionally or helplessly. The poor can get justice, when they are united and strong, in their individual or collective commitments or endeavors, until their goals are achieved. When majority of people in a given country don’t mind the acts of corruption and sin taking place around them daily, leaving their societies and systems of administration to ruin further in the process, a few lawyers and judges cannot uphold virtues in such place. They can only study society closely, interpret laws and codes given in their books of law nominally, and go back to their homes helplessly, worrying about the bad trends and pursuits initiated and practiced by many in their contemporary society. India is in this hell of conditions now.

Selfishness is an engaging subject. One would be ready to do anything if one gains something in return. In the long run, one may change one’s lifestyle also completely if it can benefit one substantially. Selfishness is the central point from which all the rational and irrational desires arise time to time. It compels one to set some goals and to try to achieve them at any cost. Then one finds some meaning in one’s life. Such person with goal orientation is respected by society also. That social recognition or universal appreciation encourages one to achieve more than what one previously thought of or imagined to be possible or enough. This is all a complex web of events in which man sets himself unknowingly or intentionally, based on his character.

Selflessness is the nearest word to charity. It expects one to think beyond the self in most of one’s lifetime. The advancement of any nation depends on the personalities that stand for and practice altruism and philanthropy. The prosperity of humanity, in terms of science, technology and spiritualism, is mostly due to the respective scientists and saints that live in some nations. They disseminate the essence of truth; invent various means and gadgets for human comfort, with a broader perspective, aiming at the welfare of the world, considering it their family. They mostly sacrifice their personal, social and family lives. How many remember today the noble services of those pioneers of human civilization and culture! The practice of selflessness by one has neither recognition while one is alive nor appreciation and admiration after one is dead. This is why common people often hesitate to practice a bit of selflessness in their daily lives. The acts of charity are widely appreciated when they are done by celebrities and looked down upon when talked about or practiced by relatively common people of the world. Charity of a few cannot solve the woes of many. It is self-assessment and self-determination that uplift one from being pitiable to considerable or appreciable. Physically and mentally affected ones may be helped through charity measures. If it is extended as an equally applicable measure to all, everybody tries to look pitiable to others and thus to lead a lazy and unproductive life.

Politicians never develop their countries completely. No person with real concern for the society ever enters politics. This is why considerable or overall progress in any country occurs after decades instead of years. The corrupt rulers and government representatives often take such measures which fill their homes and offices with money and assets. One is a fool if one thinks that the progress of a nation could be achieved by the sincerity of the wise that ruled. It is the few reformists and reformers and their devoted followers that materialize the process of development in a nation or society. Development can be found when we compare one generation with the other. It occurs because it is the order of time and God. Time sees its wheel of elements moving from adversity to prosperity and from there to anarchy. Once, many in the world, suffered without enough food. Now this issue is not that severe. Overall development is an ordinary issue. It can be achieved in days if the evil is uprooted in seconds and the good ones are identified, authorized, admired and followed in minutes. We lag behind in this respect and so the opposite happens in all the times.

Most of us are not grateful to our real well-wishers. We must be thankful to the scientists, who discovered and invented many things, which made human lives comfortable and happy to a great extent. Their negative effects are to be ignored. Fanaticism, superciliousness, bigotry and egocentricity of a few of the humanity are often causes for the destruction of many in all the ages. The intelligentsia of the world is often misused or misguided due to the tyranny of a few criminals or sinners. The other world never questions these tyrants and they never allow them to be peaceful and happy.

Many Indians are uneducated and ignorant of keeping up their health. They struggle for their survival daily. They have hardly time or interest to think of or practice issues like good health and social responsibilities. They are mostly unhappy with their lives and those circumstances around them. This is why educated ones can never change uneducated ones. The poor identify happiness in their daily hardships. They want to die with that strain and suffering. They internalize toil and suffering as their natural assets. They do not or cannot come out of that abnormal mentality. To help them, death also reaches both the poor and the rich equally in its poor and rich forms. The poor die being unable to face a disease and the rich die failing to conquer the disease with their valuable assets of materialism. This is the elucidation we find in the philosophic interpretation of human life by the poor. When suffering and death are common to humanity, why should one worry at their occurrence? One should welcome them. The poor are more courageous and metaphysical in this regard than the rich. The poor wish to die soon since their life is a burden for them and the rich desire to extend their lives to enjoy their material comforts, attractions and assets. This is why we see big and expensive hospitals busy despite the relatively less number of the rich in every country. The government general hospitals can attract very small percent of the poor to them. It is graveyards that attract the poor affectionately because they are the places where these weary human souls can be released and dispatched to the sky very simply without much fee and wait.

Entertainment became an important facet of modern human life. Since human relationships lack real feelings and affection these days, the helpless creatures resort to images on the screen and the stage. When man fails to achieve pure happiness despite his genuine efforts, he turns to unreal things. This is why a girl admires a film actor or sportsman instead of a boy in her neighborhood. She is doubtful about the trustworthiness of the boy before her eyes. This is why modern youth keep the photos of film actresses in their private rooms because the photos of their beloved ones are not available or the society does not approve it. Where is freedom to the modern youth to love or to be loved? Many are living in tragic solitude despite many happy people and events around them. The fetters of social norms and taboos often arrest the human spirit and so it shuns its original form and starts acting. In the modern days, sensitive and pure lovers can seldom win the race among humans. They succeed on screens and in books. 

One can’t tell or follow truth alike at all the persons and places that one may come across. Sometimes truth is upheld through untruths. A man and woman may be good friends in reality. But others interpret it as an unethical relationship. When that issue comes to the threshold of societal scrutiny and the related punishments, nobody comes forward to tell anything about them. They can’t prove that they are good friends because good things of human life have weak and unreliable evidences. When the society sentences them to death, one of the folks from that society comes ahead and says that he is ready to die for them because he saw them as good friends in majority of his encounters with them. Everybody thinks that he may be right because he is ready to die for him or her even though they are not related to him in any way. Thus he may save them. The irony in this hypothesis is that nobody knows the truth. Why should the society see it as an unethical relationship, depending on widespread rumors, and then consider them innocent and leave, believing in the words of a third person, whose character and credentials are unreliable or objectionable to many? The truth may be they are good friends, which both of them know but that truth can’t save them. The powerful and strategic lie devised and applied by the third person can save the truth of their relationship.

Everybody has an ocean in himself or herself. That ocean is one’s mind. There are a number of desires, which are not fulfilled, sad memories, which can’t be erased, strong revenges, which can’t be achieved. Friction is common among these unfulfilled thoughts and desires. The reality in which one lived in the past died but the unreliable form of those realities still lives in the form of memories in one’s mind even in the present times. This is why one can’t enjoy one’s present. One’s mind is thus a trashcan of one’s experiences and their memories. Good and sweet memories can’t be stored in one’s mind as the sad and tragic ones can be. Even in dreams, the past chases a creature now and then. Since an ocean is deep and vast, nobody can explore its secrets completely despite years of struggle. One can discover only a few of those reserves. Human mind also has similar features and qualities. Nobody can ever see its depth and study its intensity completely. God configured human brain more energetically and efficiently than man’s computer.

Patience is a good human quality. According to it, one should control one’s anger, jealousy and hatred against other things and creatures around one. It is a compromise with the negative conditions and forces around one’s life. Sometimes others consider our patience as our weakness or inability and so we fail to balance ourselves. If we cross the border and do something against such rude and cruel creatures of the ugly portion of society, the reliability and beauty of our distinctiveness and character as an individual get affected. It is only in exceptional cases that one needs to cross that border of patience when the harm is more to the self or good people of the world if the border is not crossed.

Day and night follow one another. In the same way, in many things, good and bad are quite common. A thoughtful man should train his mind to love the bad or ugly facets of life or surroundings also. When troubles are ahead of us, we should love and invite them. Then they look small to us. If we hate them, or try to distance ourselves from them, they may take enormous proportions and frighten us. When we remain steadfast, slowly our mind regains its temporarily lost courage and intelligence and offers a solution to our existing problems. Mental worry or hurry increases our tension and it lands us in chaos and distress. Sleep is the best medicine when one is engaged in serious thoughts to find remedy for a predicament. It is not applicable when the situation requires one to act or react promptly to save a creature on the spot. One’s intelligence arising out of common sense or a fraction of thought can also work wonders in such situations. The speed of action is more important than the quality of intelligence therein which can be arrived at after much deliberation about that issue. Everybody can’t be a great practitioner of virtue or sagacity at such highly challenging times and so nobody should criticize one’s impulsive actions in such scenario studying it from many perspectives. Analytical thinking is undesirable to comment on the merits or demerits of one’s action, when the one in focus is constrained by time factor.

There is nothing without something, which is useless or useful. This sentence looks misleading or disturbing to one’s mind. The proverbs prepared by our ancestors and uttered by our contemporaries contain this dichotomy of usefulness or uselessness of a given thing. A proverb supports a universal concept at some occasion or situation. The same looks avoidable at some other occasion or situation. For example ‘Slow and steady wins the race’ looks fine when we have a lot of time to try and reach a goal in our life. The same saying yields quite bad results when a doctor practices it when his patient is on deathbed demanding his immediate attention. There is no need of proverbs when one is guided by one’s positive and constructive conscience. For a thief, stealing something from others is his duty. His positive conscience advises him to leave the creature alive after the theft and his negative conscience prompts him to kill him. According to his conscience, stealing objects is essential and leaving the creature alive is appreciable. For virtuous outsiders, even stealing the assets of others is also avoidable. Proverbs are also like that. They are the foundation of our vast time-honored knowledge and insights useful and applicable to our lives and professions. They are beyond logical interpretations and scientific studies. How to use them depends on our choices and necessities. Science and technology demand the proofs of practicable good things of human life and our traditional knowledge guides us based on the wisdom of experiences, insights and common sense of our old generations.

None is aware of the time of occurrence of the biggest worldwide calamity, the time when everything on this earth planet gets completely removed and destroyed losing its appearance of any nature. It is assumed that during that time there won’t be any creature on this earth or in the space. All the area between the earth and the sky will be filled up with some substance. It may be water, fire, air, meat or something in that order. Our present predictions and the related apprehensions about its occurrence and the consequences thereof are needless and premature because we can neither prevent it nor experience it in our lives. It is believed that it will occur after some thousands of years from now. We will take many births in the mean time. So, we are very little in comparison to time and its numerous mysteries. We can live a bit happily if we avoid contemplating those things in a serious manner. Our collective endeavors should be toward making our short existence on this earth somewhat enjoyable, not frustrating.

We must wonder to know that none is an expert in all the subject matters. The present doctoral degrees are very little compared to the vast pool of information and knowledge stored in our rich literature of the past. Man’s struggle has been to know everything about the mystery and history of the accessible and visible creatures and events in the world. Yet something always remained unknown to him. How mystifying is this world in terms of its geographical and spatial spread and the creatures and the conditions therein! Who created this land, water and space and why and how all the creatures came into them in a rational and sequential order? Who schedules its orderly journey from time to time? Is it a mechanical process or what? How far have our scientists gone in this direction? Nature lasts for millions of years and the creatures in it die after a short period of their existence. Why is there such difference between the lifespans of some creatures and others? These questions have vague or quite misguiding answers. This is why many ask these questions when they find some with vast knowledge and pride in them for possessing it. The intelligent would be disturbed by the ignorant when the latter raise these critical issues in a serious and involved manner.

I wonder at the practice of giving awards to great people after their deaths. After one’s death, one (one’s soul) does not care for this world. The award is to the body of the person. He left his body on this earth. It was already burnt or buried. It is not in this material world any more. To whom does/should the fame of this award belong? Let us live in reality. Let us love and please them when they are alive. There are many who died poor and are greatly admired or celebrated after their deaths. The humankind lives happily if this system can be such that the commendable are fairly recognized and rewarded while they are alive. The souls of the dead ones never find joy or contentment in the material attractions conferred on them by the human world. They shun their earthly relations, get processed and reoriented toward their scheduled spiritual journey.

God filled affection in the brains of the earthly living creatures toward their race. This affection leads to attachment. That attachment leads to firm relationships. They lead to a number of desires. Though some of those desires can be fulfilled, some remain unfulfilled. A human soul takes another birth to get them fulfilled. This is what Hinduism calls ‘the endless wheel of births and rebirths until salvation is attained’ which every creature needs to undergo before blending with the eternal at the end of the journey after the realization of the spiritual truth. Earthly creatures seek joy from the untruths and shadows of this material world and so carry on their to and fro journeys, birth to death. Truth is hard to witness. Nobody knows about it. Very few try to explore and understand it. Some saints are in that pursuit. Evil attracts and retains the common and so they live in this world in their web of desires and the related pursuits. Thinkers and saints know about the real nature of this world and so they go away from it in search of truth.

I don’t know if there is a celestial abode to punish the departed souls of earthly creatures for their sins committed on earth with their material bodies. Some believe that heavenly staff is working there to punish human souls in an institutional, just and formal manner. Hindus call it the ‘Kingdom of Lord Yama’. Nobody is there with first-hand experience to explain these things to the ordinary people in this world. I will be happy if somebody conducts a package tour to that place so that everybody can know what the truth is. It may help the human race to desist from committing sins and crimes. Then only the organization and maintenance of a happy human world, with all other creatures and entities in it, would be possible.

There are various deities, religions, worship places and beliefs on this earth. The followers and believers of all these mystic beings and things have their own solid arguments, which look acceptable to all in most of the cases. If there is God, how can we see Him? We can’t see Him because we are sinners! The ones that saw God or the ones that can take us to Him never come to us without our invitation. Even if we want to invite such great people, we don’t know their addresses because they don’t have immovable material property, where they need to live for long. Some know about God but they can’t prove His existence on their own. Thus some of the concepts of theology remain challenging and mysterious to common people in the world. Our tradition and culture look ridiculous from this perspective. If there is no God, who punishes us if we commit sins? Why are there these rules and regulations for us to block our liberty, which everybody badly wants? Why is the truth of existence of God is scared to face the petty humans? We are least bothered about these things because they do not provide us with practical solutions and benefits to our material lives and issues, which are more important to us than them.

Doctors can cure diseases and scientists can invent wonders and discover the hidden assets of the earth to make human life more comfortable and happier but nobody can make a dead body alive. Something precious is definitely going out of one’s body after one’s death. Then the body (corpse) must be burnt or buried. We can’t see what has gone out making the body motionless. We can’t photograph it. This mystery has been chasing us for ages. We remained helpless in catching, researching and commenting on it with reliable and appreciable proofs. 

Time is the model for everlasting process. Our arrivals into it and departures from it are quite common. Life means the duration between one’s birth and death. Both of them occur beyond one’s influence or choice. But, the time between one’s birth and death is in one’s hands to a great extent. Let us spend it carefully to make it beautiful and memorable. For that to happen, we must lead it systematically. Living honestly and dying peacefully, we achieve nothing but we can assure ourselves that we played our preordained roles carefully and graciously.

Let us love all alike! But it is a critical issue because our mind is accustomed to the flavor of selfishness. It develops strong affection and attachment toward some creatures and phenomena only. It is a social and national responsibility as well. This is why we find the concept of universal fraternity, mostly, in theory only. Let us love those few at least truly and purely. It is also not possible for us because we came to this earth to act only. We act and go away from here. We are disconnected from reality and permanence of everything.

1 June (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Today it was very hot. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Punya Sthree” of Karthik on Hyderabad Doordarshan. It was excellent. Went to sleep by 9:30.

2 June (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Went to NRPM railway station by 6:15. Reached Anakapalle by 7:30 by Vijayawada-Visakhapatnam passenger. Collected some information about where coaching for the tests of the Railway Recruitment Board would be offered. Came back to Elamanchili by 9:30 by Visakhapatnam-Vijayawada passenger. Spent some time at the pan shop of my friend Appa Rao reading Telugu film weeklies. Saw the Telugu film “Veedevadandee Baboo” in cinema Tulasi Chitra Mandir. Returned home by 4:20 by Tirumala Express. Went to bed by 8:30.

3 June (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Spent all the day at home because it was too hot to go out. Today I received my Army Discharge Book from the Madras Engineering Group and Center in Bangalore. I felt happy. Today I spent most of my time lying on bed. The body is becoming sweaty due to sultry weather. Night watched some programs on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 8:30.

4 June (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent at home. It was very hot. Spent most of my time lying on cot being scared of hot weather. Afternoon watched some programs like “Yug”, “Farz” and “Swaabhimaan” on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening spent some time at our Panchayat office. Night watched “Chithra Haar” on Delhi Doordarshan. Today I ate many mango fruit. My prayers to Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati. Went to sleep by 9:00.

5 June (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent at home. Even today it was hot. Spent much of my time lying on cot. Ate mango fruit and homemade sweets brought from the house of my maternal grandparents in Gollalagunta. Watched the French Open Tennis for sometime on Delhi Doordarshan. My prayers to Lord Gopal to direct me well.  My prayers to Mother Saraswati to bless and direct me well. Spent a good day. Went to sleep by 9:00.

6 June (Friday)

Got up by 5:15. Morning spent some time at our Panchayat office. Today my aunt Raja Kumari came from Raja Venkata Nagaram. She spent here for some time. I started to our mango garden by hills by 3:00 along with my friend Krishna Varma. Came back to home by 5:30. Today it was cloudy and cool. Night watched the Telugu program “Chithra Lahari” and a small part of the Hindi feature film “Kashmir Ki Kali” on Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 11:00.

7 June (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Today also it was hot. Most of the time spent at home. By 3:00 started to the house of my uncle Rama Raju at Raja Venkata Nagaram. Took some mango fruit to them on our bicycle. Came back to home by 5:45. My cousin Naren also came along with me to our house to spend here for two or three days. Night watched a small part of the Hindi feature film “Naalaayak” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 11:00.

8 June (Sunday)

Today also it was very hot. Spent all my time at home. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Radha Krishna” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

9 June (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning spent some time at home. Recently the army people from the MEG and Center in Bangalore sent me a letter asking me to send them my bank account number with any nationalized bank to send my salary to that account. Morning went to the State Bank of India in Etikoppaka, to open a savings bank account and take a passbook for sending my bank account number to the Madras Engineering Group and Center in Bangalore. They wanted three photos. I did not carry them with me. Then I went to Adduroad and got three black and white passport size photos printed at Gopala Krishna Photo Studio. The staff of the bank asked me if I knew any person that has a bank account with them who can sign supporting my candidature. I did not know anybody with that quality. It prevented me from opening a bank account today. Went to sleep by 9:00.

10 June (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Spent at home till 8:00. Went to Adduroad along with my friend Ramesh on his Luna motorbike. Today I completed the work of opening a savings account and getting a passbook from the Visakha Grameena Bank at Adduroad. Thereafter went to Anakapalle for getting information about coaching for RRB (Railway Recruitment Board) tests. They said good coaching centers are not there in Anakapalle for those tests. Returned home by 8:00 taking a lorry and an auto rickshaw. Had my supper and went to sleep by 9:30.

11 June (Wednesday) to 13 June (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent at home. Recently I went to Warangal to get information from the Kakatiya Institute of Marisat Communications. I knew that I am not eligible for the Marine Radio Officers course because I did not study science and mathematics subjects in my Intermediate course. But I am eligible to pursue RTG course. I would write about that account: I reached Warangal railway station by 8:00 p.m. by East Coast Express and proceeded to Chourasthaa (the Hindi word mostly used in India to refer to a junction of four roads). Had my supper in a small hotel there and went to the nearby Lodge Krishna. Slept there that night in the corridor of the lodge paying 12 rupees for one folding cot. When I rose from the cot, the following early morning, I found it heavily raining. The roads were filled with muddy rainwater all around. It stopped after some time. I felt happy. Went to Hanam Konda Subedari taking a Kazipet bound Express bus. Went to the institute and collected some information. Came back to Warangal railway station by 10:30 a.m. by a bus. Knew that there was no any train toward Visakhapatnam originating from or via Warangal till Godavari Express by 8:15 at night. To spend my time, went to cinema Lakshmi and saw the English film “Bikini Island”. From there came back to Warangal Bus Station and bought a small Telugu book titled Padaka Gadhi Muchchatlu (the secrets of bedroom when it is left with wife and husband) written by Vijaya Priya. It deals with sensual relations between a wife and a husband after marriage. It was a good book. After finishing reading it, threw it away. Took Godavari Express that (on 12^th) night and reached Narsipatnam Road railway station by 8:00 a.m. on 13^th.  

14 June (Saturday)

Morning went to Visakhapatnam by Kakinada-Visakhapatnam DMU passenger train and met the fellows at Raghavendra Tutorials in Dwaraka Nagar. They told me to come from the 20^th of this month for coaching to the R.R.B. examination. Returned home by 9:00 by Visakhapatnam-Kakinada passenger train. Went to sleep by 9:40.

15 June (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Today I could not watch any programs on television due to power cut.

16 June (Monday) to 19 June (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent at home. By 4:00 my brother Srinivas, my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani and my nephew Sujan came in an auto rickshaw from Adduroad. Sujan is looking weaker than I saw him before. I like to write something: To write about my father, he bought some acres of mango garden by his hard work. He was poor in his childhood. He did not have good food. Our ancestors were poor. My paternal grandfather Thammi Raju often tells me that their father was an ignorant one compared to his brothers. My father is also an ignorant one in the worldly affairs except in the matter of buying agricultural lands. Presently he has nearly ten-lakh rupees worth property. Still he is a miser I should say. He feels a lot to give me even a fifty-rupee note without asking me why I need it. He worries a lot if one (especially I) is seated under a running ceiling fan because it increases electricity bill. He loves money. He can’t love human beings as he loves his money. I think about various courses of study which give good future to me. He recently said that he can’t educate me any more. The reason is my education or coaching for any competitive examination demands a few thousands of rupees. A person, who earned rupee by rupee, can never dare spend thousands of rupees at a time, on a single project, like my education, which does not yield monetary results immediately, as his/the agriculture does. I think it is my sin that made me born as the son of a father, who has more greed for money than affection for his son.

It seems I committed a mistake coming back from the army. Lack of encouragement from my parents, being away from cities, and my Telugu medium education have become the major hurdles in my journey toward good studies. I am sad to find my present helpless condition. My prayers to Lord Gopal, Mother Saraswati and Lord Vinayaka to bless and direct me in such way which makes me financially independent as early as possible.

20 June (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Today it was hot. Started to Adduroad by 2:00 on bicycle. Saw the Telugu film “Ninne Pellaaduthaa” of Nagarjuna and Tabu for the second time because Tabu is my favorite film actress. I previously saw it in Tuni. Returned home by 6:30. Night watched the Hindi feature film “Chaal Baaz” on Delhi Doordarshan. It was engaging. Went to bed by 12:40.

21 June (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Most of the time spent lying on cot at home. Night watched the Hindi feature film “Arjun” of Sunny Deol and Dimple Kapadia on Delhi Doordarshan. I watched it from beginning to the end. My prayers to Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati to direct me well always with love and pity for me. Went to bed by 12:30.

22 June (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Afternoon watched the Kannada feature film “Mandhaara Poo” on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Ghatothkachudu” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

23 June (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning spent some time at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Started to Raja Venkata Nagaram by 8:30 on bicycle. Spent there till 12:15. Thence came back to the house of my paternal aunt Subhadra at Peda Gummuluru and spent there for some time. Returned home by 1:30. My brother Srinivas, my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani and my nephew Sujan came from Molleru Mallavaram by 3:00. Night it rained a bit. Went to sleep by 10:00.

24 June (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent within the village. Morning spent some time at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Afternoon did the work of hit opening groundnuts of Appala Raju, the mother of our cattle keeper, for some time. Night watched the Telugu programs “Chitra Sumaalu”, “Anyonya Dhaampathyam” and “Budatha Keechu” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Today it was cool. I ate mango fruit today. I think mango fruit are so sweet that we want to eat them again and again without boredom. Went to sleep by 9:00.

25 June (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:15. All the day spent at home. Afternoon did the work of hit opening the groundnuts of Appala Raju for some time. She uses them as seeds in this season. Today it was cloudy. Night watched the Telugu program “Addhamulo Chandha Maama” and the Hindi program “Chitra Haar” on Doordarshan. Being a non-vegetarian (according to Hinduism, eating the meat of birds and animals as food is a sin) I should accept that I am a sinner and criminal. I want to be a vegetarian soon. Went to sleep by 9:00.

26 June (Thursday) to 30 June (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent at home. The name of my Lord Krishna follows: Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Rama Krishna Govinda Narayana, Krishna Rama Govinda Narayana. Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Hare Hare, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. Thank you God.

1 July (Tuesday)

Presently we are living in the modern age. The value placed on a person mostly depends on one’s caste, religion, region, the amount of money one earns and the lifestyle one maintains. There is no much value to moral values in the present days. Compromise with the changing conditions is necessary for all in these circumstances. Otherwise they would be considered as the representatives of orthodoxy and kept aside by modern youth. Both men and women should change their attitudes in this regard. Why should we be blamed for being old-fashioned with our conventional beliefs and practices?

2 July (Wednesday) to 31 July (Thursday)

From here again I write my opinions about my parents. First let me write about my father Datla Venkatapathi Raju. He is a man of money. He lives for money and dies for money. He did not love me as a father. He has no fatherly qualities at all. He behaved as an enemy toward me always. I never got fatherly love from him. I think father is nothing for me in my life. He never understood me like a father. He never treated me like his son. I often doubt whether I am really his son or an adopted one. He valued money more than me. In my early childhood, I mean when I was eight years old, I went to Gollalagunta, the village of my maternal grandparents, for my education. I did not feel how the real affection would be from my parents. I was a cursed one in losing parental love. What can I do except bearing with it!

My parents left me away from them. They took me as their burden. They never came to see me when I was studying in Gollalagunta. I often cried alone being unable to tolerate solitude without affection from others. My maternal grandparents looked after me well. But there was no much affection even from them toward me. I was a cursed grandchild to them. I did not spend my childhood happily. I remained dull in the shadow of my homesick childhood. I used to come to our house in the mango garden by hills traveling by lorry from Jaggampeta to Adduroad during my holidays of Dasara, Sankranti (Pongal) and summer. I used to look innocently at our parents when came to see them during my holidays. I could not understand what they were because they rarely behaved like real parents toward me.

Even when I was studying in Bhoopathipalem, my father did not come to see me. He came there only once and that was when he got me admitted there. Thereafter he never touched that land of my presence. My mother also never came to see me when I was there. I became a burden to my father when I came back to our house after the completion of my residential school education. He never provided me with enough money for my Intermediate education. Most of the afternoons, on our junior college working days, my stomach remained hungry. I did not have enough money to fill my stomach. I know that even if I ask my father, he does not give me. I did not have alternatives to get money. My financial dependence upon him proved me as a fool and parasite. To whom can I tell about my problems, when there is none to solve them! So, I lived with them.

When I was taking coaching for the CEEP (Common Entrance Examination into Polytechnic) in Guntur, my father bothered to send me money. He is illiterate. He does not know the value and need of education for promoting human life. He is a mad man of money. The aim of his life is earning money. He loves money first and anything else is secondary to him. I should say his thirst for money forced him to buy agricultural lands. He always talks about buying land. There must not be the question of selling land. With such craziness for land, he bought about 18 acres of agricultural land. He does not care for the comfort of his life. He does not want his personal life to be happy. He likes collecting money and buying lands. He never valued my words because I was depending upon him financially. He carelessly says that I can do nothing against him. I told him many times that I would never take the land earned by him. When I was in very much need of money, he did not help me as a father. What should I do with his land, when I earn on my own to fill my stomach.

The aim of my life is that I should not depend upon him after my marriage. I should live by myself. I should not ask him even one rupee. If I depend upon him even for one rupee after my marriage, it means that my complete life is an utter failure. It is equal to my death. I can’t imagine it. My aim must be achieved. Only my future can show me how it goes. Once he said that he is unable to give me money because I ask him plenty of money thoughtlessly. I questioned myself, “Why has my life become like this?” I silently cried that night on cot because I could not earn money. I have to continue my studies. Otherwise I can’t achieve my aim. I cried to cool down the gloom of my heart. If I give a piece of advice to him, or to my brothers, he says that there is no need of my advice to them. They know what to do. He means that I am a parasite and so my pieces of advice are worthless. A parasite is not a suitable one to advise others. I am a worthless bloke to them. They don’t value my advice or words. I am an unwanted member in this house.

He did not give me the chance to spend my money also. He lent the prize money of 500 rupees, which I got from the Andhra University in an essay writing competition, to an employee in his sugar factory for interest. A greedy man for money makes others also dejected by his acts of thirst for money. My father is the best example for this. Nobody can change him. Let time go on like this! But one thing I like to write now is that I must not live with them after my marriage. Even if he begs me to take his property, I should not do it. Even if he cries, I should not give in. No compassion must be shown. May be it is a sin. Let that God punish me for my sin. No question of taking his land at all. May God bless me such power in my future. There will be a day in his future, when he realizes the importance of affectionate human relations, than millions of money and acres of land. But then I should not pardon him. I must be stubborn on my stand. No compromise at all. Looking after me until I become financially independent is his moral responsibility. Then I will become a free bird. Then I will fly away from him. Then I will not be a burden to him any more.

He is ignorant of reasoning. He is a blind believer of superstitions. He is a senseless follower of meaningless tradition. He praises those who have many hectares of land. He argues in favor of investors. He is not a liberal or humanitarian thinker. But certainly he is an expert in increasing his property. He forgets what he lost in his life being deeply engaged in piling up money in the form of land.

Birds also accord importance to their little ones till they can fly on their own and collect food for them. Thereafter they leave their brood. No relation at all. Completely they part from one other. I will do the same after I become an independent bird. I can’t love him because my sweet childhood was lost because of him and it does not come back to me now. He is proud of his money today. Let that arrogance go away soon. He is from a poor family. In his childhood, he did not eat good food. He did not see a hundred-rupee note. His parents did not love him. Thus he became a directionless and greedy fellow for money. Punishment to him for his behavior toward me is distancing myself from him completely.

I should not behave like him at all. No thirst for money. Frugality must be to some extent only. Human life must not be drained in meditation for money, till the last breath of life, at the cost of minimum needs and moderate celebration of existence. When the sun is there in the sky, one should enjoy the sunshine. If our body and mind can feel a little happiness in right ways, by spending a bit of our money, we should not save that also for our future. Money grows if we put it in some constructive way but the sweet moments of our life fade away by the time we decide to enjoy ourselves with our grown-up money. Age is important in human life.

Even my mother has no persona of a wise mother. She cooks and serves food for us. She keeps our house in order. Her world is very small. She did not see other people and places. She is a destined homemaker. House is her sphere. No worry about life. No thought about future. She sleeps well always. A village woman in short. She has a simple heart and it never thinks about the difficult things of life. Her husband did not provide her with a comfortable life. He led a hard life and gave the same to her. She cries now and then thinking of her future because she did not earn anything on her own. There is some agricultural land in her ownership by documents but she never took the money coming from its crop. My father spends that money also for buying more land. She is innocent and ignorant. She used to read some religious books in the past. Now she has stopped that also. She worships Lord Shiva. She believes that Goddess Parvati is her Mother. She is traditional in her work at home. She finishes domestic chores fast and then sleeps. She bites her teeth furiously if her daughter-in-law takes much time to finish a simple thing in the house. It has been her routine for years.

What more can I write about my father? Money is God for him. He thinks that he can make the future generations of his family rich by saving money and increasing his property on and on. I pity his foolishness. He does not follow the advice of others. His life looks bland in his future because he can’t get back his lost days when he should have enjoyed a bit. One’s age matters a lot in enjoyment of one’s life.

I wonder to find my father’s madness for money. He is a simpleton in this regard. Nobody worships him in future in our family because he earned property for us. It has been the history and mystery of family relationships in the world for ages. One knows the value of money and so one does not spend it and another one does not know the value of money at all and so he never hesitates to spend it as he likes. The prior is a frugal father and the latter is an extravagant son, let us suppose. It has been the tale of family systems for long. Though he regrets that day, his valuable past does not come back to him. Who can help him then?

My brother Srinivas used to send me money by Money Order now and then. He helped me to some extent. He has his family and the related expenses now. What can he do now for me? Once he was extravagant. After his marriage he changed. He became responsible for building a happy future for his small family. One automatically becomes so after one’s marriage. It is a cart of obligations and burdens. One must lift the yoke up to one’s shoulders. I should say he is a flexible and considerate man to some extent.

I don’t give good marks to my parents for their individual roles as a father and a mother. My father scores 50 marks, because he is looking after his sons, just like a bird does, without much human attachment. He has no human values. So, he lost remaining marks. Developing one’s property for one’s use (for one’s children or dependents) cannot be said to be a human value. Human values are platonic and valuable assets of altruists and philanthropists. He is far away from them.

My mother scores 60 marks because she loves and cares for her children as an ordinary mother does and carries out the destined duties of her household in a good way to her level of knowledge and experience. She leads spiritual life to some extent. She values and practices the traditional observations of a Hindu family life. She knows very little about the outer world. She does not treat her guests and relatives well. She is selfish toward her three sons. She leads a quiet life without worries. Hers is a little world centered on her family.

1 August (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent within the village. Wrote the left out part of this diary from 8:00 to 11:00. Afternoon slept on cot for some time. Watched part of the Telugu feature film “Lady Commissioner” on Gemini television channel at the house of my friend Krishna Varma from 2:15 to 3:15. Listened to Malayalam cine songs from Sri Lanka radio station from 3:30 to 4:30. Night watched the program of Telugu cine songs “Chithra Lahari” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:30.

2 August (Saturday)

Got up by 5:15. Today it was hot. Morning went to our mango garden by hills and spent there from 11:00 to 5:30. Walked in the garden for some time, had the buttermilk offered by my aunt Kumari, talked with my uncle Narayana Murthy and my aunt for some time and talked with uncle Chanti and my paternal grandparents for some time. This was how I spent my time there. Returned home by 6:00. Listened to cine songs on radio for one hour. Night watched the Hindi feature film “Sangraam” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 12.30.

3 August (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Afternoon watched the Assamese feature film “Chakgaloyee Bahudhoor” on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “China Raayudu” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 10:15.

4 August (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning listened to cine songs on radio for some time. Started to Adduroad by 9:30 on bicycle. I took even Dolli Gadu (Ramana) along with me. I gave him money to see a Telugu film. Meanwhile my maternal uncle Krishna came from Gollalagunta. Both of us proceeded to Raja Venkata Nagaram on bicycle. We spent there till 3:30. I came back to Adduroad and had my haircut. Then spent some time at the house of my aunt Subhadra in Peda Gummuluru. Went to sleep by 9:00. 

5 August (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:30. Today it was cool. Started to our mango garden at hills by 8:30. There I had jackfruit offered by my aunt Kumari. I spent my time happily there. I would find serene and soothing environment there. Today my duty there was guarding our mango garden not allowing cattle into it which come from our nearby villages. Started back to home by 4:30. Night watched Telugu programs “Haasya Vallari” and “Budatha Keechu” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. My prayers to Lord Gopal. May Mother Saraswati bless me. Spent a good day. Went to sleep by 9:00.

6 August (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:30. Morning listened to cine songs on radio for some time. Went to our village Panchayat office by 9:00. My uncle Krishna and I started to Adduroad from there by a minibus. He took a Rajahmundry bound Express bus from Adduroad by 10:30. I came back to home by 11:00 by the same minibus. Afternoon watched the Telugu feature film “Swargam” on Gemini television channel at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Night also watched some programs on Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:30.

7 August (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. From 8:30 to 9:30 listened to cine songs on radio. All the day spent within the village. Afternoon watched the Telugu feature film “Naagini” on Gemini television channel from 1:00 to 3:15 at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. From 3:30 to 5:30 listened to cine songs on radio. Night watched some programs on Doordarshan. May Lord Gopal bless and direct me. Went to sleep by 9:30.

8 August (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Went to NRPM railway station and caught Vijayawada-Visakhapatnam passenger by 7:00. Detrained at Elamanchili and went to the pan shop of my friend Appa Rao. Spent there for some time talking with him. By 10:15 went to Government Degree College and found my name in the fifth place for admission into first year B.A. in the open competition list. Came back to home by 12:00 by Visakhapatnam-Tuni DMU passenger train. Afternoon watched the Telugu feature film “Jaya Sudha” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:30.

9 August (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Watched Telugu cine songs on Eenadu and Gemini television channels at the house of my friend Krishna Varma from 7:30 to 9:30. Started to Adduroad by 10:00 on bicycle on an errand. Returned home by 11:00. Listened to cine songs on radio from 3:00 to 5:00. Night watched some programs on Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

10 August (Sunday)

Today I did not watch any programs on Doordarshan. Evening went to the weekly market in Adduroad and bought vegetables. Evening prepared supper at home. Went to sleep by 9:00.

11 August (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Prepared lunch at home by 8:00. Then my father and I went to Adduroad by a minibus. From there we went to Elamanchili by a bus. The formalities of my admission into first year B.A. in Gurajada Apparao Government Degree College were over by 12:30. My father signed on some papers. Then he left for his sugar factory. The admission fee is 310 rupees. Afternoon saw the English film “Instincts”. Returned home by Godavari Express. Went to sleep by 9:00. 

12 August (Tuesday)

Got up by 4:00. Started to NRPM railway station by 6:30. Caught Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger by 7:00 and reached Visakhapatnam by 9:30. Went to Jyoti Book Depot at Daba Gardens and Gupta Brothers’ bookstore. There I could not find the first year B.A. textbooks of the Telugu Academy. Walked through much part of the city but in vain. Had my lunch at a hotel in Dwaraka Nagar. Saw the Hindi film “Border” in cinema Sharat in the matinee show. I liked it very much because I know what army is and my brother is serving in it. It is one of the best Hindi films I have seen. Returned home by 9:00 by Visakhapatnam-Kakinada passenger train. Went to sleep by 10.30.  

13 August (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Today I spent my time searching for the first year B.A. textbooks of Telugu Academy. Started to NRPM railway station by 8:30. Reached Tuni by 9:30 by Visakhapatnam-Vijayawada passenger. My desired books are not available even there. Saw the Telugu film “Preminchukundhaam Raa” of Venkatesh. Went to Elamanchili by 2:30 by Tuni-Vizianagaram shuttle train. There bought some notebooks. Returned home by 6:00 by Godavari Express. Night watched some programs on Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 8:30.

14 August (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. My uncle Rama Raju came here by 6:30 on a scooter. Both of us proceeded to Raja Venkata Nagaram. My cousin Narendra Varma (his younger son) and I started to Narsipatnam by a bus at 8:15. We went to the office of Bus Depot Manager by 10:00 where free yearly bus passes for schoolchildren are being issued. It was stamped, signed and issued to us by 1:00. My cousin moved on his way and I returned home by 2:30. Listened to cine songs on radio from 3:30 to 6:00. Went to sleep by 9:00. 

15 August (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Today India is grandly celebrating her Golden Jubilee Independence Day. From 7:00 to 9:00 watched the live telecast of Independence Day Celebrations, going on in New Delhi, on Delhi Doordarshan. Today traditional Hindu girls and women are observing Sraavana Sukra Vaaram (an auspicious day according to Telugu calendar) worshipping Goddess Lakshmi. From 2:00 to 4:00 watched the Telugu feature film “Bombay” on Gemini television channel at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. There was no power supply at night. I badly missed watching the Hindi feature film “1942 - A Love Story” for this reason. I cursed the blokes at Koruprolu Power Substation. Went to sleep by 9:30.

16 August (Saturday)

Got up by 5:30. Started to Elamanchili by 7:00 by Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger from NRPM railway station. Spent in the public library from 8:00 to 10:00. Spent some time at the pan shop of my friend Appa Rao. Saw the English horror film “Brain Dead” in the morning show. Returned home by 4:10 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 8:00.

17 August (Sunday)

Reached the house of my uncle Rama Raju at Raja Venkata Nagaram by 11:00 on bicycle. Returned home by 7:00. Went to sleep by 8:30.

18 August (Monday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready soon and went to NRPM station by 6:45. Caught Vijayawada-Visakhapatnam passenger and proceeded to Elamanchili. Spent at the pan shop of my friend Appa Rao till 10:00. Then went to Government Degree College. Knew that today classes do not take place for the first year B.A. students. Came back to home by 1:00 by Visakhapatnam-Tuni shuttle train. Spent rest of the time at home. Spent a misused day. Went to sleep by 9:00.

19 August (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. By 9:00 my brother Sambha and I started to Etikoppaka branch of State Bank of India in Etikoppaka. Today I opened a savings bank account with that bank. The army people from Bangalore intimated me that my salary can’t be sent to my bank account with regional banks like Visakha Grameena Bank, where I recently opened a savings bank account. I sent that bank account number to them. They want my account to be opened only with a nationalized bank like State Bank of India (SBI). So, we did all this. My brother has an account with this bank and so talked with its branch manager, who is familiar to him. He is an expert in familiarizing himself with important people of his frequent dealings. Both of us came back to the NRPM railway over bridge by 1:00. I took Alleppey-Bokaro Express by 2:00 and detrained at Visakhapatnam by 4:00. Hired an auto rickshaw from the station and moved to the office of Zilla Sainik Welfare. Did the supposed work there and posted the letter to army people in Bangalore. Returned home by 9:15 by Visakhapatnam-Rajahmundry passenger. Went to sleep by 10.30. 

20 August (Wednesday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready and started to NRPM railway station by 6:45. Caught Vijayawada-Visakhapatnam passenger and reached Elamanchili. Moved to public library by 8:00 and spent there till 9:30. Went to Government Degree College by 10:00. English and Politics classes went on in the morning session. Had my lunch at Military Hotel. Hindi and Economics classes went on in the afternoon session. Went to sleep by 8:00.

21 August (Thursday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready and started to NRPM railway station by 6:45. Took Vijayawada-Visakhapatnam passenger by 7:15 and reached Elamanchili. Went to public library. By 10:00 moved to our degree college. Today History, Economics, Hindi, Politics and English classes went on. Returned home by 5:15 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 8:30.

22 August (Friday)

Woke up by 5:30. Got ready soon and started to NRPM station by 6:30. Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger arrived by 7:15. Spent sometime at the temple of Lord Anjaneya Swamy. By 10:00 moved to our degree college. Today History and Politics classes went on. Had my lunch at a hotel. Returned home by 5:15 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

23 August (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. From 7:00 to 8:00 spent watching Doordarshan at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Got ready and started to NRPM railway station by 9:00. Reached Elamanchili by 10:20 by Tirumala Express. Today History, Hindi and Politics classes went on. Returned home by 5:00. Went to sleep by 8:30.

24 August (Sunday)

Morning watched “Rangoli” program on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to our mango garden by hills by 3:00. Brought the holy leaves of Maaredu and Thulasi to be offered to Lord Krishna. Went to sleep by 9:00.

25 August (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Today Sri Krishnaashtami or Gokulaashtami (the birth anniversary of Lord Krishna) is being celebrated. According importance to education, I got ready and reached Elamanchili by 8:00 by Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger train. Spent in public library till 9:30. Knew that our degree college observes a holiday today. I was much disappointed. Came back to home by 10:30. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to sleep by 9:00. 

26 August (Tuesday)

Woke up by 5:15. Got ready soon and went to NRPM station by 7:00. Today my parents and my maternal grandmother left for Bhimavaram by Simhadri Express train for attending a marriage there. Today Economics, Politics, English and Hindi classes went on. Had my lunch at Udipi Hotel. Today it was hot. My body is becoming weak because I am eating food irregularly in the afternoons. Came back to home by 4:10 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

27 August (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:20. Started to NRPM station by 9:00. Tirumala Express arrived by 10:40. In Elamanchili I knew that our degree college observes a holiday today for some reason. I felt much disappointed to hear this news. Returned to railway station. Waited there for a long time. Visakhapatnam-Tuni passenger arrived. Reached home by 1:30. From 3:30 to 5:00 listened to Malayalam cine songs from Sri Lanka radio station. Went to sleep by 8:30.

28 August (Thursday)

Woke up by 5:20. Got ready soon and went to NRPM station by 7:00. Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger arrived by 7:20. Moved to public library and spent there for two hours. Today four classes went on. Afternoon had some tiffin and five bananas. Returned home by 5:45 by Godavari Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

29 August (Friday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready soon and reached NRPM station by 7:00. Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger arrived by 7:30. Reached Elamanchili and moved to the temple of Lord Hanuman. Spent there for one hour. Then spent one hour reading Telugu film weeklies at the pan shop of my friend Appa Rao. He sells weeklies and newspapers also. I am benefited this way being his classmate. Today all classes went on except English. Afternoon had some tiffin at a hotel. Reached home by 4:45 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

30 August (Saturday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready soon and reached NRPM station by 7:00. Went to Public library and spent there for two hours. Moved to degree college by 10:00. Today History, Economics and Politics classes went on. Had some tiffin at a hotel and came back to home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to sleep by 9:00.

31 August (Sunday)

Morning watched the famous Hindi serial “Maha Bharat” on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Pellaam Chaatu Mogudu” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. My salutes to Lord Krishna. Went to sleep by 9:00.

1 September (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Reached Elamanchili by 7:30 by Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger. Spent for one hour in the library. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today only two classes went on. By 12:30 attended the premium paying work, assigned by my father, at the office of L.I.C. (Life Insurance Corporation of India). By 1:30 bought 30 meal tickets at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Each ticket costs ten rupees and guarantees provision of one meal in this hotel on any of its working days and nights. Had my lunch in it. Saw the Telugu film “V.I.P.” in the matinee show. Reached home by 6:00 by Godavari Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

2 September (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Started to NRPM station by 9:00. Tirumala Express arrived by 9:15. Luckily I could catch it. Today English and Politics classes went on. There were no classes in the afternoon because the Ambedkar Open University examinations are being conducted in our classrooms. Returned home by 2:00 by Visakhapatnam–Tuni passenger. Evening watched the program of Telugu cine songs “Chithra Sourabhalu” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. I am wasting much daytime. My body and mind are getting weary in this time spending task. Went to sleep by 9:00.

3 September (Wednesday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready soon and reached NRPM station by 9:00. Tirumala Express arrived by 9:15. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today History and Politics classes went on. Came back to home by 2:30 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Spent rest of my time idly. This year it is hot even in the rainy season. Went to sleep by 8:30.

4 September (Thursday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready soon and reached NRPM station by 9:15. Tirumala Express arrived by 9:20. Today Hindi and History classes went on. Came back to home by 2:00. From 4:00 to 5:00 spent at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Evening watched the last episode of the Telugu serial “1847” and the first episode of the Telugu serial “Vande Mataram” on Doordarshan. Scanned Link’s Hindi dictionary for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

5 September (Friday)

Got up by 5:15. Today Hindus celebrate Vinayaka Chavithi. Today students celebrate Teachers Day. Today I did not go to college. Worshipped Lord Ganesh in a simple manner in our worship room and smeared water mixed turmeric paste on all my books. From 10:00 to 4:30 spent at the house of my uncle Rama Raju at Raja Venkata Nagaram. Afternoon our buffalo delivered. Night watched the program of Telugu cine songs “Chithra Lahari” on Hyderabad Doordarshan and part of Hindi feature film “Love Marriage” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 10:00.

6 September (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. From 11:00 to 5:00 spent at the house of my paternal uncle Narayana Murthy near our mango garden by hills. I am spending the last part of my 21^st year of life. This year I experienced both good and bad alike. Anyway God directed me well. I owe to Lord Krishna for guiding me time to time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

7 September (Sunday)

Woke up by 5:00. Afternoon saw the Telugu film “Prema Desam” for the second time in cinema Venkatapathi Raju Mahal at Adduroad. My salutes to Lord Gopal.

8 September (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Took Tirumala Express by 9:30. Reached our degree college by 10:00. Today History and Economics classes went on. There were no classes in the afternoon due to rain. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to home by 3:30 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Today I enter my 22^nd year of life. May Lord Ganesh, Mother Saraswati and Lord Krishna bless and direct me well. Went to sleep by 9:00.

9 September (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Took Tirumala Express by 9:30. Today only History class went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi and saw the Telugu film “Nuvve Naa Preyasi” of Murali and Kausalya. It is a good film. Came back to home by 5:45 by Godavari Express. Wrote an essay for a competition in our college. Went to sleep by 9:00.

10 September (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:15. Morning it rained to disturb the chores of villagers. Today I could not dare go to college due to rain. Spent at home and had my lunch with dense buttermilk. It can be prepared without mixing much water in curd. It tastes extraordinary if rice is had with it adding a bit of salt. I did not do any useful work today than this. From 3:00 to 5:00 watched the Telugu feature film “Chaithanyam” on Eenadu television channel at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Night watched the Telugu program “Mamata” on Hyderabad Doordarshan and the program of Hindi cine songs “Chithra Haar” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

11 September (Thursday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready and started to NRPM station by 9:00. Reached the college by 10:00. Knew that classes do not take place today. Returned home by 12:30 by Visakhapatnam-Tuni passenger train. From 1:30 to 6:30 prepared the notes of politics. In between listened to cine songs on radio from 4:30 to 6:00. Night watched the Telugu programs “Naayika” and “Vande Mataram” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Also listened to cine songs on radio. Went to bed by 9:00.

12 September (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Went to NRPM railway station by 7:00. Reached Elamanchili by 8:00 by Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger. Today Student Union Election took place in our college to elect the president and others. It was over by 11:30. Had some tiffin at a hotel and saw the English film “Heart Break Kid”. It is a good film based on a decent love story. Came back to home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Night watched “Chithra Lahari” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 10:00.

13 September (Saturday)

Got up by 5:15. Reached Elamanchili by 10:30 by Tirumala Express. Spent at the pan shop of my friend Appa Rao till 1:00. Reached Anakapalle by 3:30 by Alleppey-Bokaro Express. Bought a history textbook of Telugu Academy. The textbooks of my other first year B.A. group subjects are not available. Returned home by 6:00 by Godavari Express. Today Mother Teresa passed away. Went to bed by 8:00.

14 September (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Afternoon watched the Konkani feature film “Dhekaanni Dhurai” on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Maga Dheerudu” on Hyderabad Doordarshan.

15 September (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent at home. Today our college observes a holiday for some unknown reason to me. Today I spent about eight hours preparing history notes from the Telugu Academy textbook of Ancient History of India. From 4:00 to 5:30 ironed my clothes. Night watched some programs on Doordarshan. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to sleep by 9:00.

16 September (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning prepared history notes for one hour. Took Tirumala Express by 9:30. Today our president-elect celebrated his joy distributing sweets to all the degree students. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Afternoon Hindi class went on. Came back to home by 4:00 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Night prepared history notes for two hours. Night a complete lunar eclipse occurred from 10:00 onwards. Went to sleep by 9:00.

17 September (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. From 5:30 to 6:00 watched “Aaraadhana”, a program of devotional songs, on Delhi Doordarshan. All the day spent at home preparing history notes sitting in folding chair. Today it was hot. This month I received 200 rupees from my brother Srinivas by postal Money Order for my pocket money. Night watched “Chithra Haar” on Delhi Doordarshan. My prayers to Mother Saraswati. Went to bed by 9:00.

18 September (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached Elamanchili by 10:40 by Tirumala Express. Today History, Politics and Hindi classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Prepared history notes for some time. Night watched the Telugu programs “Naayika” and “Vande Mataram” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to bed by 9:15.

19 September (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. From 5:30 to 6:00 watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached Elamanchili by 10:00 by Tirumala Express. Today only History class went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi and went to cinema Tulasi Chithra Mandir. Saw the Telugu film “Shiva”. Afternoon attended a BJP Party Meet at Ghantasala Kala Mandir beside public library. The BJP associate Venkayya Naidu addressed the gathering. His speech is enjoyable. Luckily I could catch Godavari Express after that. Night watched “Chithra Lahari” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

20 September (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached degree college by 10:00. Today History, Politics and Economics classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Today I bought two white vests and one lungi in Elamanchili. Came back to home by 5:00 by Tirumala Express. Watched television for some time. Went to bed by 9:00.

21 September (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Morning watched “Rangoli” and “Sri Krishna” programs on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Mamathala Kovela” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

22 September (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Prepared history notes from 6:00 to 8:00. Reached Elamanchili by 10:00 by Tirumala Express. Today Economics, English, Politics and Indian Heritage and Culture classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to home by 4:15 by Tirumala Express. Spent preparing history notes from 5:00 to 9:00. My evening bath and supper took place from 6:30 to 7:00. Went to sleep by 9:00.

23 September (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning prepared history notes for two hours. Reached degree college by 10:30. Today Politics, Economics and History classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Today it rained due to cyclone caused by depression over the Bay of Bengal. Came back to home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Today it was cool and pleasant. Went to bed by 9:00.

24 September (Wednesday)

Got up by 3:30. Took Godavari Express by 6:30 at NRPM railway station. My classmate Chandra Sekhar and I detrained at Visakhapatnam and proceeded to Andhra University to participate in the collegiate essay writing competition being conducted on the occasion of N.S.S. (the National Service Scheme of the Government of India) Day. The time schedule for the competition is 11:00 to 12:00. The topic of the essay writing competition is “The Role of N.S.S. in the Integrated Development of a Village”. I got first prize in English category. They gifted me 500 rupees and a certificate of merit. Returned home by Godavari Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

25 September (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. The cyclone is on. So, I decided not to go to college. The sky is cloudy. It is raining heavily all over the state of Andhra Pradesh. This rain brings both benefits and losses to the villagers. Farms can be ploughed and seeds may be sowed. The fields with ripe crop get affected by this continuous heavy rain. Today I spent at home preparing history notes and enjoying the cool weather. Went to sleep by 9:30.

26 September (Friday)

Got up by 6:00. The cyclone has completed its short tour in Andhra Pradesh. Reached degree college by 10:00 by a lorry. Today only Politics class went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Got five black and white passport size photos of mine printed at Aruna Photo Studio. Gave them at Vasu Photo Studio for newspaper reporters for my university level essay writing competition success publication purpose. The physical director of our degree college told me to do it. He is one of the laziest blokes (with a sinecure) of India. I hate his presence in our college premises. He always talks about the great achievements of his familiar ones who have settled in the foreign counties. I think he badly remained in India. One of his familiar ones should have dragged him to some other country. Went to sleep by 8:45.

27 September (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today Politics and Hindi classes went on. No readily available trains to go home. Went to cinema Tulasi Chitra Mandir and saw the Telugu film “Nenu Premisthunnanu” for the second time. Took Godavari Express and reached home by 6:15. Went to sleep by 9:30.

28 September (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Morning watched “Sri Krishna” program on Delhi Doordarshan. Afternoon watched the Malayalam feature film “Ponthen Maada” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:30.

29 September (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Reached NRPM station by 10:00. Tirumala Express arrived by 10:30. Today History, Politics and English classes went on. Came back to station by 1:00. Waited there for 90 minutes. Reached home by 3:15 by Bokaro–Alleppey Express. Prepared history notes from 7:00 to 9:00. Went to sleep by 9:00.

30 September (Tuesday)

Woke up by 5:00. Got ready and reached NRPM station by 9:15. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today Economics, Politics and English classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to station by 2:30. Reached home by 4:45 by Tirumala Express. By this evening, preparation of my history notes came to an end. My prayers to Mother Saraswati and Lord Gopal. Went to sleep by 9:00.

1 October (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:15. Morning started preparing politics notes. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today Politics, English, History and Economics classes went on. Afternoon had four samosas at Hotel Ambika. Returned home by 5:00 by Tirumala Express. Evening prepared politics notes for some time. Night watched “Chithra Haar” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

2 October (Thursday)

Got up by 5:15. From today I have my Dasara holidays for 32 days. Today I spent all my daytime preparing politics notes. I find preparing politics notes difficult. Today Surya Narayana Raju, the eldest brother of my paternal grandmother Lakshmi Narasayyamma, came to our house. He is a honest man. He has an interesting background. He was a kind of hero once. Now people (his relatives also) regard him as a comic fellow because he has no money. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Night watched some programs on Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:30.

3 October (Friday)

Got up by 5:15. Prepared politics notes from 6:30 to 9:00. By 10:15 started to Etikoppaka on bicycle. Went to State Bank of India and asked them if any cheque came in my name from anywhere to be credited to my account. They replied in the negative. Returned home by 11:30. Today it was very hot. Rested for two hours. Prepared politics notes from 2:00 to 6:00. Went to bed by 9:00.

4 October (Saturday)

Got up by 5:15. Morning prepared politics notes for some time. Started to Adduroad by 10:00 on bicycle. Saw the Telugu film “Terrorist Number One” in cinema Lakshmipati Raju Mahal in the morning show. Today I took two tablets for indigestion. Since I eat food at irregular times, my stomach is unable to understand whether to digest something or not. It forgot its natural duty because I have abnormal food habits. For the last 15 days I have been feeling differently in my stomach. So, I took these tablets. Returned home by 6:00. May God bless me. Went to sleep by 9:00.

5 October (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Afternoon watched the Marathi feature film “Gapchup Gapchup” on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Maa Thalli Gangamma” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

6 October (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Today I spent most of my time preparing politics notes. Today I received 200 rupees by postal Money Order from my brother Srinivas. Every month my father gives me 200 rupees and my brother sends me 200 rupees. Thus the fixed monthly budget for my education is 400 rupees. My father and I arrived at this mutual agreement a few days ago. Evening prepared supper for us. Presently the Brahmothsavam of Lord Venkateshwara at Tirumala in Tirupati is going on. Spent a good day. Went to bed by 9:00.

7 October (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent at home preparing the essay type questions and answers of politics notes. This part of notes preparation came to an end by today. Morning and evening listened to cine songs on radio for some time. It rained by 4:30. Today I prepared food for us. Night watched Doordarshan for some time. My prayers to Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati. Went to bed by 9:00.

8 October (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Most of the daytime spent preparing politics notes. Afternoon watched part of the Telugu feature film “Kanne Manasulu” on Gemini television channel at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Morning and evening listened to cine songs on radio. In our course of first year B.A., in English, there are four textbooks: Paths of Glory (non-detailed text), a book of English Grammar, Magic of the Muse (a book of English Poetry) and a Prose textbook. Went to bed by 8:00.

9 October (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Today I prepared 12 short questions and answers of politics notes. Listened to cine songs on radio for five hours. I took Hindi as my second language in B.A. We have one main text and one non-detailed text for this subject. My prayers to Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati to bless and direct me in a peaceful and honest path. Went to bed by 8:00.

10 October (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Today I prepared 12 short questions and answers of politics notes. Afternoon watched Telugu feature film “Anuraaga Sangamam” on Eenadu television channel at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Evening watched Doordarshan for some time. Went to bed by 9:00.

11 October (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent within the village. Spent most of my time at home preparing politics notes. By today the preparation of my politics notes came to an end. Afternoon watched Telugu feature film “Gentleman” on Gemini television channel at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Night watched Doordarshan for some time. Went to bed by 9:00.

12 October (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Afternoon watched Oriya feature film “Bhisma Prathigya” on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched Telugu feature film “Dhora Gaariki Dhonga Pellaam” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

13 October (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning listened to cine songs on radio for some time. Reached NRPM railway station by 9:15. Took Tirumala Express and detrained at Elamanchili. Bought a sari for my mother for 160 rupees and the ayurvedic tonic “Livosin” for me. This tonic is to strengthen my liver, which might have become weak due to my food habits. I saw advertisements presenting it as a powerful tonic to cure any disorders of liver. If I consult doctors, they tell me to buy many medicines. I mostly avoid them for these minor disorders of common nature. Reached home by Vizag-Tuni shuttle train. Afternoon saw Telugu film “Egire Paavuramaa” in Adduroad. Went to sleep by 9:00.

14 October (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:15. Morning listened to cine songs on radio for half an hour. Went to Elamanchili by Tirumala Express to buy economics textbook of Telugu Academy. I could not get it there. Returned home by 1:00 by Visakhapatnam-Tuni shuttle train. Went to Adduroad by 3:00 on an errand and returned home by 4:00. Evening and night watched some programs on Doordarshan. May Lord Gopal give me peace of mind. Went to bed by 9:00.

15 October (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Today I did not do any useful work. I tried much for getting the economics textbook of Telugu Academy but failed. I have to use the remaining 15 days of this month for preparing economics notes. Our Economics Lecturer Prabhakara Rao is not a committed one to his profession. He teaches a lesson seriously only on one day in 100 days. He spends all other days discussing interesting things. Nobody questions him, including me. Every student in our college (including me) likes him for some unknown reasons. So, at least I have to prepare my economics notes to face annual examinations. Went to bed by 9:00.

16 October (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Started to Raja Venkata Nagaram by 8:00 on bicycle. Spent there for more than six hours. Came back to home by 4:00. From 4:00 to 5:30 listened to cine songs on radio. Night watched Doordarshan for some time. My prayers to Lord Gopal to direct me well always. My prayers to Mother Saraswati to give me academically sharp brain. Went to bed by 9:00.

17 October (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent within the village. Today I did not do any useful work. I am worried for having misused all these days. Past is precious. It can never be regained. Afternoon watched part of the Telugu feature film “Aggi Raamudu” on Eenadu television channel at the house of my friend Krishna Varma. Night watched the Telugu program “Chithra Lahari” on Hyderabad Doordarshan and the Hindi feature film “Sainik” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 12:00. 

18 October (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. By 6:15 went to Raja Venkata Nagaram on a work assigned by my father. Came back to home by 10:00. Spent rest of the time at home. Night watched the Telugu program “ENO Show Theme” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Slowly it is turning cold. Went to sleep by 9:00.

19 October (Sunday)

Woke up by 5:30. From 8:00 to 4:00 spent at the house of my uncle Rama Raju in Raja Venkata Nagaram. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Godfather” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

20 October (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. All the day spent within the village. Morning and evening listened to cine songs on radio. Evening my maternal uncle Varma (Kolukuluri Appala Narasimha Raju) came from Raja Venkata Nagaram from the house of his sister and my aunt Raja Kumari. I spent very happily in his presence. He is a symbol of great affection and love for me. His presence makes me very happy. Night watched the Telugu programs “Mahadaanandam” and “Vikaasaandhra” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. My prayers to Lord Gopal and Mother Saraswati. Today it was hot during daytime. Went to sleep by 9:00.

21 October (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. From 5:30 to 6:00 watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. By 10:30 my uncle Varma and I started to our mango garden by hills. We spent most of our time there at the hill on the western side of our old mango garden where cutting of firewood is going on under the supervision of my brother Sambha. Evening spent some time at the house of my uncle Narayana Murthy. Returned home by 5:30. Went to sleep by 9:00.

22 October (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning went to Koruprolu and Etikoppaka to attend some works there. My uncle Varma and I started to Adduroad by 11:30 in an auto rickshaw from our village. By 2:00 we took a lorry for Jaggampeta. By 5:30 we reached Gollalagunta by a local transport jeep. This area has changed much recently. The roads were widened. Farms turned green due to the latest rainfall. Went to sleep by 9:00.

23 October (Thursday) to 3 November (Monday)

I am writing this on 3^rd November. This morning I came to Gollalagunta from Molleru Mallavaram. My tour went on for ten days. The details of my tour are given here: During my ten days of tour, I spent many days in Molleru Mallavaram. In between I visited Bhoopatipalem, Tank Bead and Gollalagunta. In Molleru Mallavaram, I could use my time in a proper way. I think I could help grandfather Chanti Babu (the maternal grandfather of my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani). I supervised his rice mill for some days. He attended his pending works during this time. I spent very happily there. The affectionate attitudes of the members of that family highly attracted me. In fact I am a distant relative to all of them but they did not treat me like that at any time. They behaved affectionately toward me. I educated Sowjanya (the younger sister of my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani), Padmaja (the daughter of Kumari, the maternal aunt of my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani) and Sridevi (the best friend of these two girls). I felt sad to know about the school system in Molleru Mallavaram. There are no teachers for all subjects. What can students do in such environment?

Every night I taught something to these three girls regarding English and Hindi subjects of their tenth standard. I felt sad to find the pitiable condition of Sowjanya and Padmaja at English and Hindi. Every day they attend tuitions soon after their classes in the school without any leisure in between. I don’t think they are gaining much from all this.

26 October (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Night supervised the studies of my sisters-in-law Sowjanya and Padmaja. Went to sleep by 9:00.

During the initial days of my stay at Mallavaram, these two girls could not dare talk with me because of their shy and reserved nature toward any distant male relative to them. Gradually they could shun such inhibitions. Sowjanya and Padmaja have no liberty from their parents and grandparents. They do not allow them even to go on a picnic once in a year along with their classmates. They are bound to obey every order issued by their elders on a daily basis.

Sowjanya and Padmaja are trying their best to succeed in the ensuing annual examinations. Aspiration in the heart of a living being incites it toward formation of a goal and it encourages it to begin trials. Passing tenth standard is their aspiration, succeeding in all the subjects in the first attempt itself is their goal and attending tuitions and studying day and night is part of their trials toward achieving that goal. These two girls are in that orientation now. I pray Lord Gopal to give them success in the annual exams. Their innocent hearts should enjoy the bliss of victory.

I did some writing (accounting) work at the rice mill of grandfather Chanti Babu. I have to note down in a book the details of money collected for the number of bags of paddy husked and polished. I collected and counted many hundred-rupee notes in this transaction. He trusted me to such great extent despite my very little association with him. I found bliss in this because a person in this world could wholeheartedly believe that I do not cheat him even if he leaves much money in my hands. It is a unique and delightful experience in my life. May God bless him a long and cheerful life for all the goodness and trust he showered upon me. Grandmother (the maternal grandmother of my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani) behaved very affectionately toward me. The affection of uncle Satya Narayana Raju (the father of my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani) should be mentioned specially. He does not harbor evil or jealous thoughts in his heart toward anybody. He is so open that he often says that his daughters have become very strong these days. He is a man with a child’s heart inwardly. I can live a hundred years happily in the company of such people. I want and like people without much hypocrisy for every small thing of life. Man can be pure toward majority of his relations. It requires a good heart and a cool mind. He has all these qualities in abundance. He does not earn money. He does not come along with us (his relatives), for courtesy sake also, when we go out to take a bus for our destinations. Yet I like him. I check the heart, not the external gestures of a person with artificial love. Aunt Lakshmi (the mother of my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani) often worries about the education and marriage of her younger daughter Sowjanya. Passing tenth standard at least can bring a good boy to her daughter in the present competitive market of boys with high education and fathers with dowry demands.

These two girls, Sowjanya and Padmaja, are growing up under the utmost care and affection of their beloved and very possessive mothers. Though they are 15 or so, they behave like five-year-old ones with their mothers. May their lives go on happily. May God bless and direct them always. May my Lord Gopal be kind to these two creatures and give them success in the coming annual examinations.

These two girls, who could not even talk with me once, are accustomed well to me now. Sowjanya is a very good girl. She is daughter of poor parents. Her life is confined to her house and village. She is not a free bird even a bit. She is like a parrot in a cage. May God bless her good life. She is a poor girl in her small world like me. Only God can look after her. May Lord Gopal safeguard her life.

The innocence and beauty of Sowjanya attracted me. I can be a good husband to such an innocent and ignorant girl. I can marry her after my M.A. English at Andhra University if she remains unmarried till then. Even aunt Lakshmi expressed her interest in this respect to me in indirect way. But traditional family considerations often disrupt these intuitive tendencies of human hearts. Two brothers from one family marrying two sisters from another family is rare in Hindu families. Above all it is time and destiny that often decide what is to happen in future. These are all my ideal and beautiful imaginations meant for the good of the society. Ideals often remain unfulfilled.

2 November (Sunday)

I was low today. I was attacked by gloom. I pity the controlled lives of my sisters-in-law Sowjanya and Padmaja in their homes and schools.

Morning observed the sad faces of Padmaja and Sowjanya. In fact Sowjanya cried secretly this morning in a room, when I was to start in a short time from Mallavaram. I observed her face and detected the burden of her heart. Today a close friend of their delicate lives is leaving them. Sorry Sowjanya for leaving you. I should not show pity in words only toward you. I must be the guide of your life. I can do it only if I marry you. If destiny permits, I will do it. Otherwise forgive me forever. I don’t know how my Lord Krishna directs me. My maternal grandfather Subba Raju and I started today from Gollalagunta and reached our house in Ramayyapatnam (Kothuru) by the evening. Went to sleep by 9:00.

4 November (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:15. Today Hindus observe their festival “Naagula Chavithi” in a traditional manner. By 8:00 in the morning, my parents, brother Samba and I started to our mango garden by hills. We offered cow milk and other traditional items of serpent worship in three anthills for the snakes in a pious manner. It was over by 10:00. Returned home by 11:00. Night watched Doordarshan for some time. My prayers to Lord Gopal. Went to sleep by 9:00.

5 November (Wednesday)

Woke up by 5:15. Got ready by 9:00 and reached NRPM railway station by 9:15. Reached Elamanchili by 9:40 by Tirumala Express. Today I sent my written work in Telugu on love titled “Premante” to my residential school friend A Visweswara Rao in Kakinada to get it printed in some way. He enquires about the possibility of its getting printed and the costs involved. This is like a feasibility study when a personal work has to be delivered into our hands in a beautifully arranged manner. Today English, Economics and Hindi classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to home by 5:00 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

6 November (Thursday)

Got up by 5:15. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Today Hindi, English and History classes went on in the morning session but I could not attend the last two classes due to my participation in the N.S.S. work at our college. Afternoon Economics class went on. Returned home by 5:00 by Tirumala Express. Night listened to cine songs on radio for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

7 November (Friday)

Got up by 5:15. From 5:30 to 6:00 watched devotional songs in “Aaraadhana” program on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today English and Economics classes went on. Had my lunch by 1:00 at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to home by 5:00 by Tirumala Express. Night watched “Chithra Lahari” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

8 November (Saturday)

Got up by 5:30. Watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan till 6:00. Reached degree college by 10:30. Today Politics, History and I.H.C. classes went on. Today we filled in the application forms of the Andhra University for the Public Examinations to be held soon. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Returned home by 5:30. Went to sleep by 9:00.

9 November (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Morning watched “Sri Krishna” program on Delhi Doordarshan. Afternoon watched the Bengali feature film “Amaar Thumee” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

10 November (Monday)

Got up by 5:30. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Today no classes went on. The time of the first two periods elapsed in filling in the application forms for the forthcoming public examinations and the rest for attending a small meeting of our N.S.S. volunteers. Returned home by 1:30. Today I received 200 rupees from my brother Srinivas by postal Money Order. Went to State Bank of India in Etikoppaka by 2:30. Went to sleep by 9:00.

11 November (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:30. Watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan till 6:00. Reached degree college by 10:00. Today Politics, History, English and Hindi classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Today I bought some ayurvedic medicines for my paternal grandfather Thammi Raju. Came back to home by 5:30 by Tirumala Express. Watched cine songs on Doordarshan for some time. Night it rained a bit. Went to sleep by 8:30.

12 November (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today Economics, Politics, History and Hindi classes went on. Afternoon had 12 idlies at a hotel. Today we N.S.S. volunteers did some cleaning work in the surrounding areas of our college. Came back to home by 5:30 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

13 November (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today no classes went on. Today, G M C Bala Yogi, the Minister of Higher Education (for the state of Andhra Pradesh), and some other dignitaries came to Elamanchili for inauguration ceremonies of starting science course in our degree college, construction of additional buildings for the government junior college and construction of the R.T.C. Bus Station for Elamanchili. Reached home by 1:00. Today I withdrew 1840 rupees from my savings bank account at the State Bank of India in Etikoppaka. Went to sleep by 9:00.

14 November (Friday)

Got up by 5:30. Today Indians are celebrating the birth anniversary of Jawaharlal Nehru. Today Hindus (especially women) are celebrating Kaartheeka Pournami (an auspicious day according to Telugu calendar). I reached our degree college by 10:00 by Tirumala Express. No even one class went on well. Today I paid the second term fees of my course of studies to our college in the form of a challan at the M.D.O. (Mandal Development Officer) office. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Afternoon saw the Telugu film “Collector Gaaru” in cinema Tulasi Chitra Mandir. Returned home by 6:00 by Godavari Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

15 November (Saturday)

Got up by 5:30. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Went to degree college by 10:00. Today Hindi and Politics classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Tirumala Express arrived by 3:50. Reached home by 4:30. Night watched Doordarshan for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

16 November (Sunday)

Morning went to the seashore by village Revu Polavaram along with my friends and spent there happily. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Maa Inti Aada Paduchu” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

17 November (Monday)

Got up by 5:30. Went to NRPM station by 9:15. Attended the classes by 10:00. Today I.H.C. and Politics classes went on. Came back to railway station by 12:15. Reached home by 2:00 by Visakhapatnam-Tuni shuttle. Listened to cine songs on radio for some time. Today I sent 200 rupees to Appanna Swamy (my spiritual Guru). Went to sleep by 9:00.

18 November (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Today it was cool and cloudy. Reached the college by 10:30. Today English, Politics and Hindi classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Night did an assignment work given by our economics lecturer. Went to sleep by 9:00. 

19 November (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:30. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Prepared economics notes for some time. Reached the college by 10:00. Today English, Economics and Hindi classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Today it was very cool. Came back to home by 4:30 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Night watched Hindi cine songs in “Chithra Haar” program on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

20 November (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached the college by 10:00. Today Economics, History, English, I.H.C. and Politics classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Afternoon read the Telugu weekly Swati for some time at the pan shop of my friend Appa Rao. Came back to railway station by 4:00. Reached home by 6:00 by Godavari Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 8:40.

21 November (Friday)

Woke up by 5:10. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached NRPM station by 9:00. Tirumala Express arrived by 10:00. Today History, Economics, Politics and I.H.C. classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to railway station by 3:30. Reached home by 4:20 by Tirumala Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

22 November (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Tirumala Express arrived by 10:20. Today Hindi, Economics, History and I.H.C. classes went on. Afternoon had four samosas at Hotel Ambika. Reached home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

23 November (Sunday)

Today I spent at the house of my uncle Rama Raju in Raja Venkata Nagaram. Night spent my time happily with my friends in the annual fair at Etikoppaka. I spent a sleepless night over there enjoying the spirit of events there.

24 November (Monday)

Went to sleep by 5:00 and woke up by 7:15. Had Upma (a South Indian item of breakfast) and again slept by 9:00. Got up by 11:15. By 11:45 started to Adduroad on bicycle. Collected my photos from Gopala Krishna Photo Studio and talked with my friend Ramesh Kumar for some time. Thence moved to China Gummuluru and took some books from my friend Satya Narayana. Returned home by 2:45. Prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

25 November (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:20. From 5:30 to 6:00 watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached NRPM station by 9:00. Attended the classes by 11:30. Politics and History classes went on in the morning session. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. There were no classes in the afternoon. Participated in the Elocution Competition conducted by our college and talked about President’s Rule in India. Reached home by 6:00 by Godavari Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

26 November (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:40. Prepared economics notes from 6:00 to 8:00. Reached NRPM station by 9:00. Went to degree college by 11:00. Today Politics, History and Economics classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Tirumala Express arrived by 3:40. Reached home by 4:30. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Listened to cine songs on radio for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

27 November (Thursday)

Got up by 5:40. Morning prepared economics notes for some time. Reached NRPM station by 9:00. Attended the classes by 10:15. Today Economics, History and I.H.C. classes went on. Had my lunch by 12:00 at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. I pity myself observing the working days and classes of our college but I can’t help it. Reached home by 4:10 by Tirumala Express. Night wrote a letter to my brother Srinivas. Went to sleep by 9:00.

28 November (Friday)

Got up by 5:20. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Prepared economics notes for some time. Reached NRPM station by 9:00. Attended the classes by 10:30. Today Economics, History, Politics, English and I.H.C. classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to railway station by 3:40. Reached home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

29 November (Saturday)

Got up by 5:20. Reached Elamanchili by 7:30 by Kakinada-Visakhapatnam passenger. Today I participated in the picnic organized by the students of our college. We went into a nearby mango garden and enjoyed ourselves there till the evening. Both girls and boys participated in this picnic. Came back to home by 5:30 by Godavari Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

30 November (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Morning watched “Sri Krishna” program on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched Telugu feature film “Vijaya” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

1 December (Monday)

Got up by 5:20. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Prepared lunch for us. Reached NRPM station by 9:00. Attended the classes by 10:00. Today Politics, English and Economics classes went on. Afternoon had some tiffin at a hotel. Saw the Telugu film “China Babu” in cinema Tulasi Chitra Mandir. It was good. Reached home by 8:00 by Visakhapatnam-Kakinada passenger train. Went to sleep by 9:00.

2 December (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:10. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to degree college by 10:15. Today Economics, Politics, English and Hindi classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to railway station by 3:30. Reached home by 4:20 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Night read the book Complete Career Guide for some time. I got this book from Hyderabad by V.P.P. for my career guidance purpose. Went to sleep by 9:00.

3 December (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Prepared economics notes from 6:00 to 8:00. Attended the classes by 10:15. Today I avoided attending my English and Politics classes in the morning and saw the English film “Private Lessons”. Reached home by 2:45 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Prepared economics notes for some time. Went to bed by 9:00.

4 December (Thursday)

Got up by 5:20. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” for 15 minutes on Delhi Doordarshan. Prepared economics notes from 6:00 to 8:00. Took Tirumala Express and attended the classes by 10:30. Today English, Politics, Hindi and Economics classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Came back to home by 4:20 by Tirumala Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Today the 11^th Lok Sabha (of India) was dissolved. Went to bed by 9:00.

5 December (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. From 5:30 to 6:00 watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Prepared economics notes from 6:00 to 8:00. Today I went to our college by 11:30 and missed English class. Thereafter Politics, Economics and I.H.C. classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Returned home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

6 December (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Prepared economics notes for some time. Attended the classes by 12:10. Today Economics, Politics and I.H.C. classes went on. Afternoon had four samosas at Hotel Ambika. Returned home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

7 December (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Morning watched “Rangoli” and “Sri Krishna” (a famous Hindi serial presenting the life of Lord Krishna) programs on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Ashwani” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

8 December (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Reached NRPM station by 10:00. Tirumala Express arrived by 10:30. Today Economics, English, I.H.C. and Politics classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi. Today it was cool. Returned home by 6:00 by Godavari Express. Night wrote a long letter in Telugu to Sowjanya. Went to sleep by 9:00.

9 December (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:40. Today it is drizzling due to cyclone caused by depression over the Bay of Bengal. Attended the classes by 11:00. Only attendance was taken. No classes went on. Went to Sub Post Office and posted the letter to Sowjanya. Returned home by 1:00 by Visakhapatnam-Tuni shuttle train. Evening and night watched Doordarshan for some time. Avoided reading or writing anything. I wanted to give rest to my brain. Went to sleep by 9:00.

10 December (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Started to NRPM railway station by 9:00. Today English, Economics, Politics and I.H.C. classes went on. Had my lunch at Hotel Dhana Lakshmi giving the last ticket of the 30, which I bought previously. Reached home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Night watched Doordarshan for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

11 December (Thursday)

Got up by 5:40. Morning did not do any useful work. Went to NRPM station by 9:15. Attended the classes by 11:00. Today Hindi, Economics and Politics classes went on. Afternoon had a plain dosa at the hotel by station road. Reached home by 3:00 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Night prepared economics notes for some time. Today it was hot. Went to sleep by 9:00.

12 December (Friday)

Got up by 5:40. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Attended the classes by 11:15. Today classes did not go on in the morning. Sent a telegram to my brother Srinivas intimating him about the arrival date of my brother Sambha to Ambala Cantonment so that the prior can receive the latter at the railway station. Afternoon had four samosas at Hotel Ambika. Afternoon Politics and I.H.C. classes went on. Returned home by 4:20 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

13 December (Saturday)

Got up by 4:00. Morning my brother Sambha and I went to Adduroad on bicycles. He left for Molleru Mallavaram by a lorry. Tomorrow he starts to Ambala Cantonment from Samalkot Junction railway station by Link Express (Visakhapatnam to Hazrat Nizamuddin). Today Economics, History and Politics classes went on. Afternoon had one onion dosa at a hotel. Reached home by 4:20 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 8:00.

14 December (Sunday)

Morning watched “Rangoli” and “Sri Krishna” programs on Delhi Doordarshan. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Chairman Chelamayya” on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

15 December (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Prepared history for some time to take a test in our history class today. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Attended the classes by 10:30. Today History, Economics, English, Politics and I.H.C. classes went on. Afternoon had two samosas at Hotel Ambika (actually named Ambika Tea Stall). Night prepared economics notes for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

16 December (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Morning prepared two questions and answers of economics notes. By today the preparation of my economics notes  came to an end. Attended the classes by 10:30. Today Economics, English and Hindi classes went on. Returned home by 2:45 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Night prepared a report to give to the principal of our degree college. Went to sleep by 9:00.

17 December (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning looked up the meanings of some difficult English words in an English dictionary for some time. Attended the classes by 11:00. Today Economics, History, English and Hindi classes went on. Afternoon had three samosas at Ambika Tea Stall. By 3:10 went to the office of our degree college and took a student concession form for my railway season ticket. Reached home by 5:45 by Godavari Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

18 December (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning I did not do any useful work. Reached NRPM station by 9:00. Attended the classes by 10:15. Today Hindi, English, Economics and History classes went on. Afternoon had three samosas at Hotel Ambika. Bokaro-Alleppey Express arrived by 3:30. Returned home by 4:25. Night scanned Sankara Narayana Telugu–English Lexicon for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

19 December (Friday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning I did not do any useful work. Reached NRPM station by 9:15. Attended the classes by 10:15. Today English, Economics, History and Politics classes went on. Afternoon had three samosas at Ambika Tea Stall. Returned to station by 3:30. Went to sleep by 9:00.

20 December (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Today our degree college observes a holiday. Morning went to State Bank of India in Etikoppaka and withdrew 500 rupees for my present expenses. My maternal grandfather Subba Raju and I went to Raja Venkata Nagaram and spent there today helping my cousins Vasu and Naren in their studies. Went to sleep by 9:30.

21 December (Sunday)

Spent all my time at home. Afternoon watched the Malayalam feature film “Kaathiyaathai Kanmani” on Delhi Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

22 December (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Today I started preparing history notes. Attended the classes by 10:15. Today English, Economics and History classes went on. Afternoon had thee samosas at Ambika Tea Stall. Today I bought a 1998 diary, a B.A. guide, a few B.A. test papers and New Year greeting cards. Returned home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 9:00.

23 December (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched a U.G.C. (the University Grants Commission of India) telecast on Delhi Doordarshan for some time. Reached our college by 10:30. Today only History class went on. No other classes took place because many lecturers are on their year-end paid leaves. Came back to home by 2:00 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Did not do any useful work rest of the day or night. Watched Doordarshan for some time. Went to sleep by 9:00.

24 December (Wednesday)

Got up by 3:00. This early morning, by 4:18 a.m., my paternal grandparents shifted their residence from their hut in the mango groves by hills to a small rented room in village Ramayyapatnam. Today our family members had lunch at their abode on this formal occasion. This morning I saw the Telugu film “Korukunna Priyudu” in cinema Venkatapathi Raju Mahal at Adduroad. Spent rest of the day without doing any useful work. Went to sleep by 9:00.

25 December (Thursday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Rest of the day spent at home. Morning my cousins Vasu and Naren came to our house. I helped them in their studies. I spent with them from 10:00 to 3:00. Today I did not do any useful work other than this. Listened to Telugu cine songs on radio from 7:00 to 9:00. Went to sleep by 9:00.

26 December (Friday)

Got up by 5:15. Today my maternal grandfather Subba Raju left for his village Gollalagunta. By 8:40 I dropped him at Narsipatnam Road railway station on bicycle. Visakhapatnam-Vijayawada passenger left the station by 9:30 with him in it. He detrains at Samalkot Junction and thence takes a bus to Jaggampeta. From there it is very easy for him to go to Gollalagunta. He spent here for more than 50 days. I gave him 1500 rupees for his medical expenses (he has been suffering from TB for long) from 5538 rupees I got from the army as my salary for the short period I spent there as a recruit. Listened to cine songs on radio from 3:15 to 5:40. Went to sleep by 7:00.

27 December (Saturday)

Got up by 5:00. Today it was cool due to cyclone. Showers are going on intermittently. Went to Elamanchili by 12:00 by Tirumala Express. Knew that our degree college observes a holiday today. Returned home by 3:15 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Went to sleep by 10:00.

28 December (Sunday)

Morning watched “Rangoli” program on Delhi Doordarshan. Afternoon went to the weekly market in Adduroad and bought vegetables for our domestic use. Evening watched the Telugu feature film “Top Lechipoddhi” (refined Telugu people laugh at such titles of present Telugu films) on Hyderabad Doordarshan. Went to sleep by 9:00.

29 December (Monday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Attended the classes by 10:30. Today English, Economics and I.H.C. classes went on. Afternoon had three samosas at Ambika Tea Stall. Today I posted New Year greeting cards to my brother Srinivas, my sister-in-law Sandhya Rani and my nephew Sujan in Ambala Cantonment. Returned home by 4:30 by Tirumala Express. Went to sleep by 10:00.

30 December (Tuesday)

Got up by 5:00. Morning watched “Aaraadhana” on Delhi Doordarshan. Morning I recited (by this I mean reading something again and again loudly or silently until the text in focus is recorded in the brain which has to be released later during the time of examination) a little part of my history notes. Went to degree college by 10:15 by Tirumala Express. Today Economics and English classes went on in the morning session. No classes in the afternoon. Returned home by 2:30 by Bokaro-Alleppey Express. Night got a few New Year greeting cards ready to give to my friends. Went to sleep by 8:00.

31 December (Wednesday)

Got up by 5:00. Prepared history notes for some time. Attended the classes by 10:30. Today only English class went on. Returned home by 2:00. Night watched programs on Delhi Doordarshan till 12:00 (on the occasion of the eve of New Year 1998). I am sad to see off Year 1997. It carefully brought me back from the prison of army, gave me some money in the form of salary from it and delighted me with success in the essay writing competition at Andhra University. I am grateful to this year for caring and guiding me like a mother. Joining Government Degree College in Elamanchili, to continue my studies, is a happy episode anyway. I entered a world of happiness through this, which can’t be enjoyed by the aged in their lives. My prayers to Lord Gopal, Mother Saraswati and Lord Ganesh for directing me well throughout this year. My sad farewell to Year 1997!

Addresses of the year:

D Chiranjeevi Raju,

PLN 3/97, Y-COY, TB III,

MEG & Centre,

M S Nagar (Post),

Bangalore – 560 033.

N Ankila Rani,

1534524^K NK/CLK,

Depot Battalion,

BHM office,

MEG & Centre,

Bangalore – 560 042.

D S Raju,

16 Engr Regt,

Qtr. No. 227/151,

Harding Lines,

Ambala Cantt.,

Haryana State – 133 001.

P Ramu Naidu,

S/o Papu Naidu,

Jaggarajupeta (village),

Ramatirdham (Post),

Vizianagaram (District),

Pin – 533 218.

© 2011 Datla Chiranjeevi Raju